A Chapter of my book. . . .

Okay, because Somer begged. . .I'll post a chapter. If you read it please leave a comment on what you thought or how it made you feel. Just please give me some feedback and preparing to submit it this week.

28 Breaths a Minute- (my book cover idea. . .)

(excerpt from chapter 6: GROWING UP)

. . .Dealing with the death of a beloved pet was just preparing me to deal with deaths of my

friends. As I got older I become aware of the severity of the destruction CF would cause to my body, by

dealing with my friends losing their battle with the disease. I attended a funeral for the first time when I was in my

early 20's. I thought I was ready to face one of my worst fears. I was not prepared for the emotional devastation

and realization I would endure.

It was difficult to see my friends suffer and even more difficult to hear of their passing. I was oddly relieved knowing they were not suffering any longer. I attended several of their funerals. Thoughts raced through my mind as I sat in the church buildings. I witnessed heartache and sadness for a young life taken. My chest felt empty and I couldn't seem to control my tears. I cried for the loved ones dealing with so much pain. I cried for me.

I knew how I was going to die. I was going to slowly suffocate, fighting until my body gives up. Just as my friends before me. I couldn't help but look around and see the floral arrangements, the pictures, the room filled with memories and see myself. I saw my family fill the seats and saw the tears of my parents. It was in situations like that when my denial, hopes, dreams, and goals melted into a dark muddy puddle and I felt as though I was standing in the middle of it, looking down and having nothing reflected back at me. It was hard knowing I was going to lose my battle with CF and somehow continue the fight. I was living long enough to finally see the destruction of Cystic Fibrosis. It's a dark place to be and it took a lot of talking to my Heavenly Father to find strength.

(excerpts from chapter 12: DID YOU LIVE A GOOD LIFE?)

I was hospitalized in April 2007 and the doctors outlook was very gloomy. I was told I was in the end stages of CF. I had to be put on oxygen full time and there was nothing else the doctors could do for me other than IV antibiotics. I was not really encouraged to try for a lung transplant, which would be the only thing that could save me, because I cultured the bacteria Cepacia.

Being on oxygen 24/7, was an incredibly difficult obstacle for me. I was so ashamed. I felt like I had let everyone down and now they would all know. I couldn't hide my pain and sickness any longer. I once felt like I was a beautiful woman, but as I looked into the mirror and saw my face covered with plastic tubing, I felt self conscience and didn't like what I saw. I was embarrassed to leave my house and was even tempted to not go to activities such as church so I wouldn't have to face people I knew. I felt ashamed and sick. I wanted to give up, I wanted to seclude myself but I knew better. My own self could not allow me to be like that. I gained the strength to 'overcome it'.

It wasn't easy, I spent many days crying, but I knew if I prayed for strength I would find it. I had to look into the mirror and tell myself I was beautiful and others think I am beautiful and that my oxygen tubing did not change who I was. It worked. If you give in to the adversary he will tear you down, it is your choice to believe it or not.

OKAY~ SO THAT'S ALL I'M GIVING YOU. . .WHAT DO YOU THINK, remember these are just a few paragraphs from a couple chapters. How does it flow and does it provoke any feeling? There is some better writing in other chapters, but I want to hang on to my "diamond" chapters.

Save a life..."Be Someone's Hero"....Be an Organ Donor