First Week Done :)

 Well I survived the first week of school! What a relief. I have been able to get up at 6am and still function to my surprise. The first couple of days was basic familiarizing us with the program. . . .letting us know of additional fees that needed paid (bleh) and we got our VERY expensive kit & books which frankly didn't look like $600 worth of stuff. lol. I did get nice high quality tools and materials no product really so I'll have to start aquiring inventory as I go. Luckily I get everything at wholesale since I am a "beauty professional" (in training). 

Today was the first day of "hands on" stuff as well as a couple of tests on 2 chapters of our book. I passed both tests with 100% which I think I may have been one of the only ones in class who did. I was pretty pumped. We learned the 5 different shapes of nails and had to file tips to those 5 shapes then we worked on NAIL ART! The brushes were horridly well used and in terrible condition so I am going to invest in some nice detail brushes along with a stripping brush that actually works. My art was well. . .for my first time Its not too terrible but there is plenty of room for improvement. It's a starting point. I'm excited and liking the program. There is only 6 of us in class so that's great we get a lot of the instructors time. 

Here are my first attempts at "nail art". . .

  
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TOMORROW!!

Tomorrow is the big day!!! My first day at school :) I'm nervous and excited at the same time. I was able to raise all the money I need for tuition and my books/kits $2300 roughly. I really appreciate everyone who bought decals and bracelets and my fabulous husband who sold some of his tools to give me a big chunk of my tuition money. I'm praying I'm good at it & that I pick it up easily. My wake up alarm is early....6:30 am so I'm hoping I can get up. lol

I can't believe I'm actually doing this.....It's so nice to achieve goals and do new things, my transplant has given me so much life! So here I am attending a college tech class, me and a part of my donor, so "WE" are doing it and we are going to ROCK IT :) 

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Monday is the big day!!

Class starts in less than a week!!! I'm still a little short for my kit/books fee but not by much only $150 so I'm glad tomorrow is payday :) I'm headed to campus tomorrow to pay for my parking permit, I'm not sure how much that will cost, probably only $25 ish dollars...I hope. I'm getting sooo excited!!! Super early classes is going to kill me though. Haha. 

This Friday is my last day at work...then Saturday is my 5K (weather permitting) and then day one of school is Monday. It's crazy how time flies & all this stuff seemed so far away just a few months ago...and here it is.  

Bring it on!! I LOVE life :)

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Mother's Day. . .mixed feelings.

I really don't have anyone in my life/family who could POSSIBLY understand what it is like to be infertile. It's common with CF and I don't believe in the OUTRAGEOUS price of invitro fertilization, it might be right for some people but NOT for us. People always say "well there is always adoption". . .however, with a terminal life threatening disease that can be a reason for adoption approval to be tricky. Being post double lung transplant has it's complications as well. No immune system can make it very difficult to be around children aka walking germs. lol. 

I have struggled with accepting what I have been blessed with and not focusing on things like not having a family with Bryan. I guess for me one of the hardest things is that I know Bryan would be such a great "DAD" and I can't give him that. We do enjoy our freedom to do and go wherever we want whenever we want. There is always a trade off in life. Mothers Day is the one day every year that I love and hate at the same time. Again unless you have struggled with no success to have children than you may just not understand. People can think they understand or say they understand, but can they. . .really?? They can imagine what it might feel like, but they will never know how deep the pain really is, it's deep enough that it's easy to hide now. . .but it never goes away.

We find that other people our age with young families don't relate to us and don't reach out to us for friendship because I believe they feel we would have nothing in common due to us not having children that could play together. Some people  assume we are "selfish" and that we have chosen to not have kids so we feel like we become "those types of people" when in reality its the opposite. I don't hold babies it's not because I don't like babies it's just easier if I stay distant and not reopen a wound that is healed over a little.  I don't like Baby Showers, Baby Blessings and other things. . .I just know it will never be me, it will never be us and even though we have our pets that doesn't make me their "mom" it makes me a pet owner of a very spoiled pug.

So if you are in the same situation as me then you should be assured that you are not alone. I'm not bitter. . .I'm just a little empty this time of the year.

I have an amazing Mother & Mother in Law and both grandmas are still alive on BOTH sides of the family for me and Bryan's family. That is worth celebrating! I try to focus on them however there is always a void and a longing that I'm sure is natural and will never go away.


 
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