NEW MOON

It's really great to be alive right now for several obvious reasons. When I was released from the hospital one of the things I found that made a big impact on my life post transplant were a series of books from an LDS writer. My aunt from California told me I really needed to read them just before I became sick and dying. I would have never had the opportunity to have ever read them had it not been for Divine intervention :) I didn't know anything about the books when I began reading them. But seriously, they really gave me something to be excited about and looked forward to the other book releases. I read the three that were already released and had to wait for the 4th book of the Twilight series. It was a goal I knew I wanted to live to experience. After reading the books series I began to convince everyone I knew that they needed to read the books. You can imagine my excitement when in 2008 I heard they were making a movie. . .to be released November 2008. I had a new goal to live towards. November 20th was a must live to day. I waited in a mob of teeny boppers and hormone driven teen girls and boys for over 3 hours to watch my movie. I was a little disappointed and irritated at the result. . . . When I heard a movie of the second book got the green light, they got a bigger budget and a new director that I was familiar with my hopes began to build.

November 20th, 2009 was a must live to date. . . today is here, I am here, I went to the 9:30am matinee. I really, really liked this movie more than the first. I won't complain about what I didn't like, but I did really like the Wolves, Jacob, and how accurate & well done the director interpreted the book. It was very close and entertaining. All I would say is "Less Edward and Bella and MORE Jacob PLEASE!!"

I have even read Stephenie Meyer's book "The Host" and I am happy they are also making a movie of it. How I would love to be in it :)

So as you can see I am a big fan of Stephenie. Her books are a big part of my life after transplant. They gave me something to look forward to and be excited about~ it was what I really needed.

*Hopefully one of these days I can give her a signed copy of my book and get my Twilight series books signed by her :)

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I am not Barbie. . .

We all have weaknesses right? I know I do. But how often are we too tough on ourselves? I know I am. I read a post from a friends blog, and it made me stop and think of the things I am too critical about myself. . . .I loved playing with my Barbie when I was a young girl. I actually got it in my head that when I would turn 16 I was going to look like Barbie. . . . as you can imagine, I was sorely disappointed. I was anything BUT. I looked more like Skipper if even that good. Why do we put expectations upon ourselves that are out of our control? I STILL don't look like Barbie and I don't have the money to ever look like her :) But I am not Barbie, I am Jamie, and when they make a "Jamie doll" It will be well. . . . a lot smaller. It will have more scars than Barbie (unless it's Barbie post dog chewing) It will have an imperfect smile, and lots of freckles. It will have A LOT more realistic bust size and waist size and it's hair will come in a variety of colors. What I am saying is I had to accept that I don't have to look like anyone but me. I still haven't mastered it by any means. I get caught up in NEEDING to feel pretty, beautiful, desirable . . . what woman ever stops wanting to feel that way?

I try hard to change/improve on the things that I have control over. I work out to firm my muscle tone, and stay healthy. I can't change where I carry my extra weight, I can however do the work to improve what I can. Some things I can't change without a surgery of some type and frankly I have had enough surgeries for ten lifetimes. Does that mean I just don't care about the things I can't change? No. I still have my "UGLY" days and my "I'm not good enough" days. But I have more "I am amazing" days. Someday hopefully everyday will be an "I am amazing" day, however I am human and we may never feel perfect, because we are not.
Would a flower garden be nearly as beautiful if all the flowers were exactly the same size, kind, color, shape? It would be boring after just a few seconds. Our individuality is what makes us create a beautiful flower garden. So I tell my evil conscience to SHUT UP and enjoy the view.

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