I have heard thy prayer, I have seen thy tears, behold I will heal thee.
2Kings 20:5

Tuesday, April 28, 2009

Life is .....Life

Life is interesting.......I was reading a post from one of my friends blogs and It made me reflect on my journey the last 1 1/2 year.....what life was like and was ending for me to where I am now and how I deal with day to day. It is a hard emotional recovery. My entire life was spent knowing my disease and fighting it. Then I became sick and faced death in very real time. The idea of life without a lung disease was always a hope or "dream", something that drove me to fight everyday for 27 years. What happens when you reach a dream....what do you do with your life? That is a question I ask myself a lot. What now? I have returned to a more "normal" life than I have ever had. It's an.....uneventful realization. I guess I ponder a lot on the question "what's the point of my life now?" I can answer that~ don't worry~ I know I have a purpose...but understanding that purpose is tough sometimes.
I am on some pretty strong drugs. My anti-rejection drugs, as you must imagine, have a tough job. They suppress my immune system very effectively, so far~ but in return they wreak havoc on other aspects of my life. I am also on a steroid, antibiotics, and vitamin supplements. It's a great and amazing combination. I am thankful for treatment and medication to make my miracle of life last.....but it comes with sacrifice. There are side effects such as depression, anxiety, back pain, headache, potential kidney and liver failure....always in the back of my mind.
I enjoy every breath I take! I love every moment I get to spend with Bryan. I have no regrets in life. I am grateful that our thoughts stay in our heads until we are ready to share them with others. It can be the best medicine. Everyday things sometimes seem unimportant. But they are what make up Life....millions and millions of minutes added up to create years and years. Every minute is important. Life can throw a lot of crummy things in our path~ It's hard to not feel overwhelmed. I feel overwhelmed. I feel small~ But no matter how many things try to get in my way...I will continue to be me. I can deal with more than I should have to, because I have to. Money, work, new clothes, toys, or anything else that might have a level of importance.......they are not as important as anyone thinks~ You are important, I am important...building good memories with the ones you love is important and you don't need money to do that.
Okay...so this entry is long, and maybe has no point...but I have a lot of time to think, and a lot of things to be grateful for! I don't want anyone who might be considering a transplant to be discouraged by anything I say about life after transplant~ it is seriously wonderful~ and YES.....I would do it again with no hesitation. Every time I look into Bryan's eyes and every minute I get to be with him, confirms I did the right thing. Despite the challenges.....the benefits out way them ten fold!

3 comments:

Hanging out with the Riley's said...

Beautifully said ladie! as always making me cry. I am not sure I would even get through the first 5 pages of your book with out having a break down. I love how I can remember what i need to remember in life when I come to your blog. Life can change in one minute. We do live life from one minute to minute some just pass with out too much change others are way life changing! Thank you for the reminder .....I love you and I think this explains a lot about what you are dealing with and who you have had to become. I still see the jamie in there! "Oh....there you are Peter!" (hook)

Nancy said...

Jamie,

I think I know whose blog may have inspired you. It helps me to read your words and know that I am not alone. These last two months have been a major rollercoaster of emotions and I sometimes feel like I am going crazy. No one warned me what the transplant meds could do to my mental health!

I am glad I came here today and read your post. I am not alone, you understand exactly what I am going through.

All my love! Nancy

Somer Love said...

Love that pic of Bry and his lil baby princess!!!!

Where to start to learn about my transplant!

Thank You for taking the time to read my blog. I am hoping that through this blog and my experiences that I can bring hope, faith and strength to all that may be living with Cystic Fibrosis, CF with Cepacia and Lung Transplant recipients. Information and blog entrees start Nov. 07. My Double Lung Transplant was on Dec. 10th 2007. Please feel free to read about my experience and ask me any questions! My email address is jamiebug77@gmail.com

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My Testimony

It's hard to put into words how I feel toward my Heavenly Father and the Savior. I have so many reasons to be thankful for what I have gone through & endured. Because of my trials in life I have gained a strong testimony of Faith. I have always had Faith in the Lord and in Prayer. As I faced the decision to get a double lung transplant I had to rely on faith to make the choice.....By listening to the spirit, I was guided to Pittsburgh where my life was saved. I believe prayers are answered. I have always tried to follow the philosophy of this: If I do what the Lord expects of me, he will give me what I want & need. That has always worked for me. I Believe in MIRACLES..........My life on this earth is a miracle- I prayed on my knees for years to be healed from my lung disease. I knew that through a priesthood blessing (if it was God's will) I could be healed. So many times I thought he would heal me instantly...my faith was tested as I continued to get sick and no cure was in my future. I turned to prayer....I talked to my Heavenly Father, I cried to him and he heard me and he healed me by guiding me to Pittsburgh and guiding the surgeons hands. I learned humility, and thankfulness. I realized that we need others to lean on and we are supposed to strengthen each others testimonies. I learned that the hardest things we'll do are usually the greatest blessings in our life. I was able to experience a lot of things during surgery and I know I had comforting angels in my ICU room. THe Lord knows each of us by name and he will never leave our side. We need to remember to stay close to him and have Faith that he is watching over us. I know this for a fact! I know that following the gospel will bring us true happiness- the world will tell us otherwise, but I know I am truely happy & living the gospel has brought me that. Amen