I have heard thy prayer, I have seen thy tears, behold I will heal thee.
2Kings 20:5

Sunday, December 27, 2009

Just one of those nights. . . .

Sometimes I question myself, okay I question myself a lot, especially when it comes to my acting. As any of you that read my blog must know by now I am an intern at a comedy improv club. I think I am doing okay and I usually have a really good time performing, but not tonight. It's hard because I know we'll all have good days and off days, but tonight I felt like I was almost just in the way. The show would have been great and no one would have noticed if I wasn't there. This isn't like me to feel this way. But like everyone in the world, we have these kinds of days right? I just don't feel like I fit in yet. I am outside of an inside joke. It makes me wonder if I am just wasting my time and others time. I am still learning and I understand that, but it doesn't really make me feel any better. Audience members say "Good job, good show" but are they directing it to the other players and they say it to me out of feeling obligated? I wonder. I would, so why wouldn't they.

I am hoping this feeling will go away & my confidence that I am a valued part of the team will improve. It will take time. I apologize for kinda a "downer" post, but if I bottle it up it will just continue to eat at me. Bryan gets sick of talking about it, and no one else really seems to understand or that I feel comfortable enough to talk to it about, other than Bryan. People just aren't honest to your face sometimes and so how do you really take what they say as truth. No one wants to discourage you. But we learn from finding our weaknesses and then are taught how to make them our strengths.

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2 comments:

Nancy said...

I do understand how you feel, Jamie, but don't get discouraged. You are right, we do all have days like that when we just aren't on our game. It doesn't mean you aren't good enough, you just had a bad day. You'll knock em dead next time. As I recall, you had a GREAT performance a few weeks ago, that WILL happen again, I KNOW it will.

I'm thinking about you and I will pray that you get your groove back really soon!

Love you! Nancy

Cammi said...

Keep it up, Jamie. You LOVE it and that's all that matters! Everything has it's ups and downs. I wish it was all ups! I love hearing about your Jesterz adventures. I think it's incredibly brave to get up in front of people and perform. Keep it up!

Where to start to learn about my transplant!

Thank You for taking the time to read my blog. I am hoping that through this blog and my experiences that I can bring hope, faith and strength to all that may be living with Cystic Fibrosis, CF with Cepacia and Lung Transplant recipients. Information and blog entrees start Nov. 07. My Double Lung Transplant was on Dec. 10th 2007. Please feel free to read about my experience and ask me any questions! My email address is jamiebug77@gmail.com

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It's hard to put into words how I feel toward my Heavenly Father and the Savior. I have so many reasons to be thankful for what I have gone through & endured. Because of my trials in life I have gained a strong testimony of Faith. I have always had Faith in the Lord and in Prayer. As I faced the decision to get a double lung transplant I had to rely on faith to make the choice.....By listening to the spirit, I was guided to Pittsburgh where my life was saved. I believe prayers are answered. I have always tried to follow the philosophy of this: If I do what the Lord expects of me, he will give me what I want & need. That has always worked for me. I Believe in MIRACLES..........My life on this earth is a miracle- I prayed on my knees for years to be healed from my lung disease. I knew that through a priesthood blessing (if it was God's will) I could be healed. So many times I thought he would heal me instantly...my faith was tested as I continued to get sick and no cure was in my future. I turned to prayer....I talked to my Heavenly Father, I cried to him and he heard me and he healed me by guiding me to Pittsburgh and guiding the surgeons hands. I learned humility, and thankfulness. I realized that we need others to lean on and we are supposed to strengthen each others testimonies. I learned that the hardest things we'll do are usually the greatest blessings in our life. I was able to experience a lot of things during surgery and I know I had comforting angels in my ICU room. THe Lord knows each of us by name and he will never leave our side. We need to remember to stay close to him and have Faith that he is watching over us. I know this for a fact! I know that following the gospel will bring us true happiness- the world will tell us otherwise, but I know I am truely happy & living the gospel has brought me that. Amen