Just one of those nights. . . .

Sometimes I question myself, okay I question myself a lot, especially when it comes to my acting. As any of you that read my blog must know by now I am an intern at a comedy improv club. I think I am doing okay and I usually have a really good time performing, but not tonight. It's hard because I know we'll all have good days and off days, but tonight I felt like I was almost just in the way. The show would have been great and no one would have noticed if I wasn't there. This isn't like me to feel this way. But like everyone in the world, we have these kinds of days right? I just don't feel like I fit in yet. I am outside of an inside joke. It makes me wonder if I am just wasting my time and others time. I am still learning and I understand that, but it doesn't really make me feel any better. Audience members say "Good job, good show" but are they directing it to the other players and they say it to me out of feeling obligated? I wonder. I would, so why wouldn't they.

I am hoping this feeling will go away & my confidence that I am a valued part of the team will improve. It will take time. I apologize for kinda a "downer" post, but if I bottle it up it will just continue to eat at me. Bryan gets sick of talking about it, and no one else really seems to understand or that I feel comfortable enough to talk to it about, other than Bryan. People just aren't honest to your face sometimes and so how do you really take what they say as truth. No one wants to discourage you. But we learn from finding our weaknesses and then are taught how to make them our strengths.

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