I have heard thy prayer, I have seen thy tears, behold I will heal thee.
2Kings 20:5

Thursday, February 18, 2010

Getting over the FEAR

This is a post I did for another CF site. I thought I would also share it here.

Fear is an important part of life I think. It makes us "do" or "not do" a lot of things. For me Fear drove me to do the hardest thing I have ever done. I was afraid of failure, defeat, and most of all leaving my loved ones. So fear drove me to fight. Fear of the unknown made me stronger and more determined. Fear is not always a negative thing. Overcoming my fears has brought some of the greatest feelings of accompishment! Knowing I pushed myself beyond my fear, beyond my doubt, beyond myself.

I remember when I forced myself to face a HUGE fear of mine. . .ROLLER COASTERS~ What drove me to "not" ever ride one, fear. What drove me to force myself to ride one? Fear of looking like a wimp! I tried to reason out why I was scared, only to find that I was "over thinking" all of it. I talked myself into being afraid because I calculated and stressed over all the freak accidents that "could" happen. I finally forced myself to ride the roller coaster so I could impress a boy. . . .the fear of looking stupid was greater than my fear of the whole thing derailing and falling to my death. I found that after riding it about 5 times I was no longer screaming the entire time. . ..and by the 10th time I kinda enjoyed it. I slowly moved to bigger roller coasters and even though I find myself wanting to back out of trying new things, I think "I might like it." Okay, so this post does have a point I promise :) Now in our everyday life I think it's easy to let fear stop us from trying new things, going new places or even just being ourselves. I am trying to learn not to "over think" and calculate every possible outcome to new or scary things. I think I am learning how to see things as an opportunity instead of a fear. Turning my fears into strength and motivation to push myself a little. The thing that brought much fear into my mind was the thing I overcame and I owe my life to doing so. I have many fears I face everyday. I face an audience and a director every weekend with a fear of not being funny enough. Recently I have noticed a fear of pursuing my dreams. . why? I am not sure, I am still working on the fear of success, the fear of failure and the fear of rejection (physical and emotional) Getting over our fears that hold us back is a life time worth of work. . . . I should have started earlier in life :)

Honestly. . . fear of getting sick and the fear of dying was (and still is) an underlying motivation that helps me do my meds, my treatments, exercise and take care of myself. I agree with what a Fibro of of mine said. "I fear looking back and seeing that I didn't do EVERYTHING possible to kick CF's booty and live~" I fear looking back and seeing I didn't do enough. That I didn't make a difference, that I didn't do great things with my gift of life.

I hope all that somehow makes sense.

Save a life * Be Someone's Hero * Be an Organ Donor

1 comment:

James Fahr said...

Since your in a music mood (based on your post on Cystic Life) play Dave Matthews you might die trying...it's about making that first step

Where to start to learn about my transplant!

Thank You for taking the time to read my blog. I am hoping that through this blog and my experiences that I can bring hope, faith and strength to all that may be living with Cystic Fibrosis, CF with Cepacia and Lung Transplant recipients. Information and blog entrees start Nov. 07. My Double Lung Transplant was on Dec. 10th 2007. Please feel free to read about my experience and ask me any questions! My email address is jamiebug77@gmail.com

My Story - Pause Music Player First

Popular Posts

My Testimony

It's hard to put into words how I feel toward my Heavenly Father and the Savior. I have so many reasons to be thankful for what I have gone through & endured. Because of my trials in life I have gained a strong testimony of Faith. I have always had Faith in the Lord and in Prayer. As I faced the decision to get a double lung transplant I had to rely on faith to make the choice.....By listening to the spirit, I was guided to Pittsburgh where my life was saved. I believe prayers are answered. I have always tried to follow the philosophy of this: If I do what the Lord expects of me, he will give me what I want & need. That has always worked for me. I Believe in MIRACLES..........My life on this earth is a miracle- I prayed on my knees for years to be healed from my lung disease. I knew that through a priesthood blessing (if it was God's will) I could be healed. So many times I thought he would heal me instantly...my faith was tested as I continued to get sick and no cure was in my future. I turned to prayer....I talked to my Heavenly Father, I cried to him and he heard me and he healed me by guiding me to Pittsburgh and guiding the surgeons hands. I learned humility, and thankfulness. I realized that we need others to lean on and we are supposed to strengthen each others testimonies. I learned that the hardest things we'll do are usually the greatest blessings in our life. I was able to experience a lot of things during surgery and I know I had comforting angels in my ICU room. THe Lord knows each of us by name and he will never leave our side. We need to remember to stay close to him and have Faith that he is watching over us. I know this for a fact! I know that following the gospel will bring us true happiness- the world will tell us otherwise, but I know I am truely happy & living the gospel has brought me that. Amen