Reality Check

This is something I find myself pondering quite often. As I have mentioned in posts before, I see CF in a different light now post transplant. CF to me is more real now than it ever was when I was suffering from it over 2 years ago. It is strange that when I was living it. . . I feel almost like I couldn't see it for the monster it really is. I catch myself wanting to depict CF the way I see it now, but that is not fair to others who are living with it and dealing with it as I did. Those who are able to see it through rose colored glasses in a sense.

In life, I think we deal with what we are faced with because we have to. If you have ever worked a job for a long period of time, I am going to compare CF to a job. I have worked several full time jobs in my life. When I am working for a company, I try to focus on what I like about my job. I even looked past aspects that I did't care for, because that helped my ability to get along and do a good job. We deal with the stress, and the downfalls that EVERY job has. But it is when we quit working for a company, and view it from the outside in that we can more clearly evaluate the situation we were in. We train ourselves to look past the bad and focus on the good. So it makes sense that we have to view CF (and life) in the same way. I focused on what I could do each day to make the best of my situation with CF. I didn't waste time dwelling on what was TRULY out of my control. I was desensitized to being sick and going into the hospital. . because It was just part of what I had to do.

Now that I do not deal with the everyday health issues CF brings, I see CF in a completely new way. However, I do not wish to stomp out the hope, or motivation CFers have. No one stomped out my optimism, my denial, my hope for a cure, my strength to fight till the end. No one sat me down and forced me to see the reality of Cystic Fibrosis. CF is very individual, as I have stated before.... when and how it progresses is individual despite having a similar end result. I could write about how my bubble was shattered into a million pieces and my reality check changed my life forever. . . but what good does that do? It is not something I like to focus on. It was a very hard time in my life and dealing with physical and emotional pain through that time is not fun to re-visit. It is the truth, sure, but I dealt with it because I told myself whatever I needed to in order to survive and wake up each morning. I am tempted sometimes to shout out to people "Hey, Reality Check!", but that is not fair and it's not my responsibility. Everyone needs coping mechanisms, everyone deserves hope.

We need hope in our lives. I do not have the need for hope for CF for myself, but I have hope for others who are still living it. I truly hope CF gets cured to keep others from going through a transplant. I still have CF, but because I have been blessed, I do not have many symptoms outside of needing CREON. But I still have hope. If a CFer is faced with declining health and the prospects of a transplant, then I am willing to share my views, opinions, and the reality of what is ahead. They need to feel like what they are experiencing is normal. . .because until you are faced with the end of your life, you don't have any idea of what it is like.

I have the same attitude today as I did years ago with CF. If I take care of my health, if I take my medications on time, if I do what the doctors tell me, then I can live longer with my new lungs. I can beat the odds against me. If I lose that attitude then I have already lost.

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