I have heard thy prayer, I have seen thy tears, behold I will heal thee.
2Kings 20:5

Saturday, March 13, 2010

Reality Check

This is something I find myself pondering quite often. As I have mentioned in posts before, I see CF in a different light now post transplant. CF to me is more real now than it ever was when I was suffering from it over 2 years ago. It is strange that when I was living it. . . I feel almost like I couldn't see it for the monster it really is. I catch myself wanting to depict CF the way I see it now, but that is not fair to others who are living with it and dealing with it as I did. Those who are able to see it through rose colored glasses in a sense.

In life, I think we deal with what we are faced with because we have to. If you have ever worked a job for a long period of time, I am going to compare CF to a job. I have worked several full time jobs in my life. When I am working for a company, I try to focus on what I like about my job. I even looked past aspects that I did't care for, because that helped my ability to get along and do a good job. We deal with the stress, and the downfalls that EVERY job has. But it is when we quit working for a company, and view it from the outside in that we can more clearly evaluate the situation we were in. We train ourselves to look past the bad and focus on the good. So it makes sense that we have to view CF (and life) in the same way. I focused on what I could do each day to make the best of my situation with CF. I didn't waste time dwelling on what was TRULY out of my control. I was desensitized to being sick and going into the hospital. . because It was just part of what I had to do.

Now that I do not deal with the everyday health issues CF brings, I see CF in a completely new way. However, I do not wish to stomp out the hope, or motivation CFers have. No one stomped out my optimism, my denial, my hope for a cure, my strength to fight till the end. No one sat me down and forced me to see the reality of Cystic Fibrosis. CF is very individual, as I have stated before.... when and how it progresses is individual despite having a similar end result. I could write about how my bubble was shattered into a million pieces and my reality check changed my life forever. . . but what good does that do? It is not something I like to focus on. It was a very hard time in my life and dealing with physical and emotional pain through that time is not fun to re-visit. It is the truth, sure, but I dealt with it because I told myself whatever I needed to in order to survive and wake up each morning. I am tempted sometimes to shout out to people "Hey, Reality Check!", but that is not fair and it's not my responsibility. Everyone needs coping mechanisms, everyone deserves hope.

We need hope in our lives. I do not have the need for hope for CF for myself, but I have hope for others who are still living it. I truly hope CF gets cured to keep others from going through a transplant. I still have CF, but because I have been blessed, I do not have many symptoms outside of needing CREON. But I still have hope. If a CFer is faced with declining health and the prospects of a transplant, then I am willing to share my views, opinions, and the reality of what is ahead. They need to feel like what they are experiencing is normal. . .because until you are faced with the end of your life, you don't have any idea of what it is like.

I have the same attitude today as I did years ago with CF. If I take care of my health, if I take my medications on time, if I do what the doctors tell me, then I can live longer with my new lungs. I can beat the odds against me. If I lose that attitude then I have already lost.

Save a life * Be Someone's Hero * Be an Organ Donor

3 comments:

James Fahr said...

and your knowledge sharing is a very big help to people like myself. Its through blogs like yours that help me to understand what I'm going through better.

Thank you

Brianna said...

You're an inspiration! I haven't had to deal with a life-threatening disease, but my world has come crashing down on me this past year.(as you well know). no matter what life brings...health problems or emotional. Spiritual strength is the most important part of life anyone can delvelop. Your spirit is so strong. In life or death your my hero! Plus I am looking forward to having "good times" with you in the next life, when we aren't inhibited by physical things. love you! and your lungs!

Hanging out with the Riley's said...

Hay bug
Of course you know I would have to post something to this. I think we all had a bit of that working denial. That's how you can deal with things that are out of your hands....hope that what you KNOW may happen is just a fragment of what will actually happen. I can not tell you how much learned from being your sister....I know you sacrificed so that I could learn things....you said to heavenly father I will take that on for the growth of others. I love you so much and again are glad that you are who you are so I could learn SO much from you everyday!

Where to start to learn about my transplant!

Thank You for taking the time to read my blog. I am hoping that through this blog and my experiences that I can bring hope, faith and strength to all that may be living with Cystic Fibrosis, CF with Cepacia and Lung Transplant recipients. Information and blog entrees start Nov. 07. My Double Lung Transplant was on Dec. 10th 2007. Please feel free to read about my experience and ask me any questions! My email address is jamiebug77@gmail.com

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My Testimony

It's hard to put into words how I feel toward my Heavenly Father and the Savior. I have so many reasons to be thankful for what I have gone through & endured. Because of my trials in life I have gained a strong testimony of Faith. I have always had Faith in the Lord and in Prayer. As I faced the decision to get a double lung transplant I had to rely on faith to make the choice.....By listening to the spirit, I was guided to Pittsburgh where my life was saved. I believe prayers are answered. I have always tried to follow the philosophy of this: If I do what the Lord expects of me, he will give me what I want & need. That has always worked for me. I Believe in MIRACLES..........My life on this earth is a miracle- I prayed on my knees for years to be healed from my lung disease. I knew that through a priesthood blessing (if it was God's will) I could be healed. So many times I thought he would heal me instantly...my faith was tested as I continued to get sick and no cure was in my future. I turned to prayer....I talked to my Heavenly Father, I cried to him and he heard me and he healed me by guiding me to Pittsburgh and guiding the surgeons hands. I learned humility, and thankfulness. I realized that we need others to lean on and we are supposed to strengthen each others testimonies. I learned that the hardest things we'll do are usually the greatest blessings in our life. I was able to experience a lot of things during surgery and I know I had comforting angels in my ICU room. THe Lord knows each of us by name and he will never leave our side. We need to remember to stay close to him and have Faith that he is watching over us. I know this for a fact! I know that following the gospel will bring us true happiness- the world will tell us otherwise, but I know I am truely happy & living the gospel has brought me that. Amen