I have heard thy prayer, I have seen thy tears, behold I will heal thee.
2Kings 20:5

Tuesday, May 11, 2010

I want to do more

Lately I have been contemplating what I want to do with my future. I have several things that I desire to accomplish. I also have many things that I know are probably not going to happen. It's interesting to me how I perceive my future. Before my transplant I honestly never planned my life out past maybe 30 years old because I knew that would be the end. . .when you start to die and accept the fact your life may end soon, you stop thinking of what lies ahead of you. When I was given my life back, I felt like I was unprepared and I feel like I am starting back at the beginning again. It's exciting and frustrating at the same time.

Most women my age who are very happily married have already started a family. Raising children is the most important thing in their lives- however that is not the case for me, and most likely will not be any time soon. So that leaves me pondering "what do I do then?". I have other aspirations and dreams, but I have been questioning them lately as well. Not because I don't enjoy them any longer or anything, it's more because my interests seem to have shifted a bit. I want to make a difference. I want to do more.

One thing I have been seriously considering is going to college. . .that shocks me actually because I never wanted that before, EVER. Now for some reason I find myself wanting knowledge, wanting to do something worth while. My main interest would be learning American Sign Language so I could become an interpreter along with my 2nd interest in Theater/Performing Arts. I have my hesitations as well. . .would I even pass my classes, or is my prograf brain capable of retaining what I learn? :) Although I know I can get some help. My biggest concern is of course money. How would I pay for school.

Another thing that is heavy on my mind is volunteering, fund raising, and raising awareness about the need for Organ Donation. It is something very dear to me and I know that when people can personalize Organ Donation by knowing a recipient it is much easier for them to donate if the time comes. Charity. I want to either work with or start a Charity. I have a lot of ideas up in my head. . .but where to get started and how to fund such a venture are my road blocks right now. I am hoping to get some direction on this soon.

Acting. . . .my lifetime dream of making it big! How realistic is it, really, not very. It is the one thing I will never let go of though. Of course I have circumstances working against me and I will never abandon what I know is important in my life to chase that dream. But perhaps someday, I will get to this one.

So as I play tug o war with myself and ask myself what I think will bring me happiness. . . I really do not have an answer. Sure I think having a family would be rewarding, but with my health concerns I don't want to make things harder for Bryan. College would be challenging, but I have always been fascinated with sign language. .. I can list pros and cons for each one and yet it still leaves me undecided. I am hoping to find a way to fit all of them in :) Perhaps it seems impossible, but I have done the 'impossible' before and lived to talk about it. Here's to 'Doing more, Doing the impossible'.
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1 comment:

Biological Fantasyland said...

Jamie,

You are so inspirational to other people, many, many other people. It is definately time for you!!! I think you should follow all of your dreams. If you want to make a charity, make a charity and people will help you. I have been donating stuff to a local kids charity to help with diabetes and cancer, but I would be willing to change to your charity if you start one so let me know!!! This charity sells teddy bears, quilts, and other crafts to raise money for awarness camps, they are really neat. They do gifts for the kids from santa too.

I totally understand your fears of having a family. It is a lot of work but you can do anything. It is totally legitimate to think of leaving Bryan with a child alone if something took a turn for the worse in your life with all your health concerns but maybe it would give him a way to keep you alive in a child. You guys seem like such soul mates!!! It is so neat to see that happen. You would make a wonderful mother too you are so upbeat, you would be the fun mom that everyone wants to be around!

Of course you can do college!! I teach college and you are so much smarter than most of the students in my classes. Never give up and don't doubt your abilities.

I hope things turn out for the best for you and that you find happiness in all that you do. Answers will come and you will excel at anything you try.

Kara

Where to start to learn about my transplant!

Thank You for taking the time to read my blog. I am hoping that through this blog and my experiences that I can bring hope, faith and strength to all that may be living with Cystic Fibrosis, CF with Cepacia and Lung Transplant recipients. Information and blog entrees start Nov. 07. My Double Lung Transplant was on Dec. 10th 2007. Please feel free to read about my experience and ask me any questions! My email address is jamiebug77@gmail.com

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My Testimony

It's hard to put into words how I feel toward my Heavenly Father and the Savior. I have so many reasons to be thankful for what I have gone through & endured. Because of my trials in life I have gained a strong testimony of Faith. I have always had Faith in the Lord and in Prayer. As I faced the decision to get a double lung transplant I had to rely on faith to make the choice.....By listening to the spirit, I was guided to Pittsburgh where my life was saved. I believe prayers are answered. I have always tried to follow the philosophy of this: If I do what the Lord expects of me, he will give me what I want & need. That has always worked for me. I Believe in MIRACLES..........My life on this earth is a miracle- I prayed on my knees for years to be healed from my lung disease. I knew that through a priesthood blessing (if it was God's will) I could be healed. So many times I thought he would heal me instantly...my faith was tested as I continued to get sick and no cure was in my future. I turned to prayer....I talked to my Heavenly Father, I cried to him and he heard me and he healed me by guiding me to Pittsburgh and guiding the surgeons hands. I learned humility, and thankfulness. I realized that we need others to lean on and we are supposed to strengthen each others testimonies. I learned that the hardest things we'll do are usually the greatest blessings in our life. I was able to experience a lot of things during surgery and I know I had comforting angels in my ICU room. THe Lord knows each of us by name and he will never leave our side. We need to remember to stay close to him and have Faith that he is watching over us. I know this for a fact! I know that following the gospel will bring us true happiness- the world will tell us otherwise, but I know I am truely happy & living the gospel has brought me that. Amen