I have heard thy prayer, I have seen thy tears, behold I will heal thee.
2Kings 20:5

Saturday, July 24, 2010

Taking Off My Rose Colored Glasses

I have realized how as life changes around us. . . .we tend to forget what life was like in the past. I have been able to view CF from an 'outsiders' looking glass. My life post transplant has it's 'maintenance' but while I was home I was able to visit with a few of my cysters who are around my age but are still living CF lungs. So easily I forget the daily crap that CF forces us to live with. I don't know very many CFers who complain or who don't see CF as a blessing just as I did and still do. But it's really an incredible view of Cystic Fibrosis when I watch them suck deep for a breath, hold back a cough, have the sound of CF in their voices, laugh followed by a coughing fit and barely keep weight on their bodies. I see myself. . .my old self when I look at them. I remember the life CF gave me, and the life it tried to take away from me. Having the opportunity to see CF through another perspective is quite difficult. Now I understand the concern everyone had for me. I want to make CF go away for all my friends that are suffering. Don't get me wrong, they find happiness in life. I was full of happiness despite the weakness and pain my body endured, but seeing it as others saw me, breaks my heart. Because I 'KNOW' what they are going through and what lies ahead. It is difficult to see them. I lOVE the relationships I have with my close CF friends, but everything comes at a cost. Seeing them get sicker, seeing them through 'healthy' eyes. I want them to have the life and health I have and I hope that someday they too can see CF through healthy eyes.
PBrokernRosseGlasses Pictures, Images and Photos
I am not being patronizing, I don't think being post transplant makes me 'better'. . .it just has given me the ability to take off my rose colored glasses, to step outside of my bubble of denial. I see the monster for what it is and I also see so many of us who are fighting, living, loving and enjoying happiness despite what our bodies are put through! I see amazing Heroes in this world who are overcoming more than most people will ever endure in 3 lifetimes. Stay strong and together we can bring CF to an end.

I always believed living in a 'healthy level of denial'. . .I know I got through life by not letting the reality overwhelm me. Why can't we be anything we want to be? We can.. . . We can believe we can!


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1 comment:

Stephanie aka PinkPigg said...

Hey Jamie,

I'm new to your blog. Thanks for sharing. Starting on the transplant journey in a week with an eval @ Duke. CF is definately a blessing in some ways. But I'll also admit I can't wait to breathe through new lungs.

Peace,
Steph

Where to start to learn about my transplant!

Thank You for taking the time to read my blog. I am hoping that through this blog and my experiences that I can bring hope, faith and strength to all that may be living with Cystic Fibrosis, CF with Cepacia and Lung Transplant recipients. Information and blog entrees start Nov. 07. My Double Lung Transplant was on Dec. 10th 2007. Please feel free to read about my experience and ask me any questions! My email address is jamiebug77@gmail.com

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My Testimony

It's hard to put into words how I feel toward my Heavenly Father and the Savior. I have so many reasons to be thankful for what I have gone through & endured. Because of my trials in life I have gained a strong testimony of Faith. I have always had Faith in the Lord and in Prayer. As I faced the decision to get a double lung transplant I had to rely on faith to make the choice.....By listening to the spirit, I was guided to Pittsburgh where my life was saved. I believe prayers are answered. I have always tried to follow the philosophy of this: If I do what the Lord expects of me, he will give me what I want & need. That has always worked for me. I Believe in MIRACLES..........My life on this earth is a miracle- I prayed on my knees for years to be healed from my lung disease. I knew that through a priesthood blessing (if it was God's will) I could be healed. So many times I thought he would heal me instantly...my faith was tested as I continued to get sick and no cure was in my future. I turned to prayer....I talked to my Heavenly Father, I cried to him and he heard me and he healed me by guiding me to Pittsburgh and guiding the surgeons hands. I learned humility, and thankfulness. I realized that we need others to lean on and we are supposed to strengthen each others testimonies. I learned that the hardest things we'll do are usually the greatest blessings in our life. I was able to experience a lot of things during surgery and I know I had comforting angels in my ICU room. THe Lord knows each of us by name and he will never leave our side. We need to remember to stay close to him and have Faith that he is watching over us. I know this for a fact! I know that following the gospel will bring us true happiness- the world will tell us otherwise, but I know I am truely happy & living the gospel has brought me that. Amen