I have heard thy prayer, I have seen thy tears, behold I will heal thee.
2Kings 20:5

Sunday, October 17, 2010

Warning: Emotional Rollercoaster Ahead

I am stresses a little. For multiple reasons. One is for just not keeping my mouth shut and that is just a list of many other things. This is my life in the next 4 weeks.

JesterZ final show next weekend. Start packing up apartment the following two weeks. Bryan will start applying for jobs and HOPEFULLY get something lined up. He will be quitting his current job after he graduates, so we can move around or before the weekend of NOV 20th.

Bryan's mother is giving Bryan an AWESOME graduation gift which is a trip to the Caribbean for a week to see his sister's family and snorkel every day. He leaves the day after graduation. He is getting really excited and he really deserves this vacation after what his last 2 years have been like. Full Time school and full time work. He doesn't get a break during his schooling and therefore has not been able to go and do much of anything since Nov. 2008. I know this trip means a lot for him and I am thankful he is getting to go.

The stress of all of this happening at once seems to be overwhelming a little. I didn't think it would be so hard. I have Faith that the Lord has a plan for Bryan after he graduates and we will be taken care of. The thought of moving, having or not having a job, relocating and leaving the things that I have accomplished here are all bearing down on me. Sometimes I say the wrong thing. . .or it doesn't come out quite right. Sometimes I want to stuff words back into my mouth because I realize I am dumping out my stress which so easily covers up my happiness for what is ahead of Bryan and I. I am the first to say I say the wrong thing sometimes and more so to the wrong people. I don't want anyone to ever feel like I take my stress out on them.

It's not going to be easy to watch him leave on an airplane to a foreign country. He is my best friend and he is my security. He calms me when I get too anxious. . .a part of me will be gone for 10 or so days. I don't mean to make this sound like it's all about me, but I am afraid it does. I want Bryan to go and have a good time. I am 'hoping and praying' that he will have a job waiting for him when he returns and we will have a place picked out before he leaves. All these things will work themselves out. Unfortunately I deal with this kinda stuff with my roller coaster emotions. This is what is truly in my mind and encompassing my entire thoughts.

I am thankful that I have meds like Prograf and Prednisone that can take some blame for the roller coaster of crazy emotions. . .and in the same breath thankful for Clonipin which helps me stay a little grounded.

Rough month ahead of me! I can feel it already. But I can do it! I am stronger than all of this stuff & I now I will have some pretty amazing support~

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2 comments:

Amy said...

You sound a lot like me. I am a roller coaster when anything major (or even minor) is happening in my life. I will write and make notes thousands of times to try and work things out ahead of time and ease the stress. It doesn't help but it makes me feel useful when I am playing the waiting game. :)

Hugs and everything will work out in the end ;) <3

Cammi said...

Wow, you guys have a lot going on! Sometimes new adventures turn out to be amazing. We were stressed about moving to Pittsburgh and we had a wonderful year full of new friendships and love. But preparing for all of it is STRESSFUL - the unknown makes me crazy so I understand your predicament. HANG IN THERE! Adventure is around the corner - and you can BREATHE to enjoy it! PS - I don't like it either when my husband is out of town. Any chance you can head to Idaho for that week?!

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It's hard to put into words how I feel toward my Heavenly Father and the Savior. I have so many reasons to be thankful for what I have gone through & endured. Because of my trials in life I have gained a strong testimony of Faith. I have always had Faith in the Lord and in Prayer. As I faced the decision to get a double lung transplant I had to rely on faith to make the choice.....By listening to the spirit, I was guided to Pittsburgh where my life was saved. I believe prayers are answered. I have always tried to follow the philosophy of this: If I do what the Lord expects of me, he will give me what I want & need. That has always worked for me. I Believe in MIRACLES..........My life on this earth is a miracle- I prayed on my knees for years to be healed from my lung disease. I knew that through a priesthood blessing (if it was God's will) I could be healed. So many times I thought he would heal me instantly...my faith was tested as I continued to get sick and no cure was in my future. I turned to prayer....I talked to my Heavenly Father, I cried to him and he heard me and he healed me by guiding me to Pittsburgh and guiding the surgeons hands. I learned humility, and thankfulness. I realized that we need others to lean on and we are supposed to strengthen each others testimonies. I learned that the hardest things we'll do are usually the greatest blessings in our life. I was able to experience a lot of things during surgery and I know I had comforting angels in my ICU room. THe Lord knows each of us by name and he will never leave our side. We need to remember to stay close to him and have Faith that he is watching over us. I know this for a fact! I know that following the gospel will bring us true happiness- the world will tell us otherwise, but I know I am truely happy & living the gospel has brought me that. Amen