I have heard thy prayer, I have seen thy tears, behold I will heal thee.
2Kings 20:5

Friday, July 29, 2011

Home Sick. . . .already?

Last night it all hit me. . .I'm back in Oklahoma, I had to say goodbye to all of my friends and family in Idaho and I returned to what? Don't get me wrong, I couldn't stand another day without Bryan in my life. I was lonely even though I was surrounded by so many people that love me however it never feels quite right when I don't have the ONE person I love more than the world. That said, I cried myself to sleep last night in his arms. I hate that it makes Bryan feel bad that we live so far away from everything that means so much to me. I hate that everything that means so much me is so far away. My horse that I have wished for all my life, my siblings kids who are growing up so fast, and my parents who both Bryan and I LOVE spending time with all of which are in Idaho. It's a lot to focus on and not become emotional.

I really do like living away from home for the most part. I DON'T like 6+ months of cold and snow. That is what keeps me from moving back. . .well, along with no chance for much of an acting career for me OR much work for Bryan. I however would be happy living within driving distance or at least an easy straight shot on an airplane, I mean really. .is that too much to ask for? :) Life has taken us clear across the country and it may in fact take us all over, who knows. I do know that going home to Idaho is good but it makes it so much harder to return and leave it all behind. I have a hard time settling back into my daily routine here. I am irritable and anxious. Returning to "Real Life" sucks for the most part, so I am working on getting things lined up to fill my time. I applied to do another internship with a Talent Agent this time. She is located right here in Norman. I think that would be a great opportunity. I have considered getting a part time job and bring in a little money to help us get through the winter since Bryan's work will most likely slow down in a few months. . .I have some plans, some goals and all I can do is focus on what I CAN do and not on what I CAN'T do.

I believe that starting my life over after my transplant has been a very challenging part of all this. I struggle with knowing what to do with my life now. I know I want to be an actress, but what else? Or better said "What Now?" That is where I am at in life. I just keep moving forward, look for the positive things and deal with everything else :)

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Where to start to learn about my transplant!

Thank You for taking the time to read my blog. I am hoping that through this blog and my experiences that I can bring hope, faith and strength to all that may be living with Cystic Fibrosis, CF with Cepacia and Lung Transplant recipients. Information and blog entrees start Nov. 07. My Double Lung Transplant was on Dec. 10th 2007. Please feel free to read about my experience and ask me any questions! My email address is jamiebug77@gmail.com

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My Testimony

It's hard to put into words how I feel toward my Heavenly Father and the Savior. I have so many reasons to be thankful for what I have gone through & endured. Because of my trials in life I have gained a strong testimony of Faith. I have always had Faith in the Lord and in Prayer. As I faced the decision to get a double lung transplant I had to rely on faith to make the choice.....By listening to the spirit, I was guided to Pittsburgh where my life was saved. I believe prayers are answered. I have always tried to follow the philosophy of this: If I do what the Lord expects of me, he will give me what I want & need. That has always worked for me. I Believe in MIRACLES..........My life on this earth is a miracle- I prayed on my knees for years to be healed from my lung disease. I knew that through a priesthood blessing (if it was God's will) I could be healed. So many times I thought he would heal me instantly...my faith was tested as I continued to get sick and no cure was in my future. I turned to prayer....I talked to my Heavenly Father, I cried to him and he heard me and he healed me by guiding me to Pittsburgh and guiding the surgeons hands. I learned humility, and thankfulness. I realized that we need others to lean on and we are supposed to strengthen each others testimonies. I learned that the hardest things we'll do are usually the greatest blessings in our life. I was able to experience a lot of things during surgery and I know I had comforting angels in my ICU room. THe Lord knows each of us by name and he will never leave our side. We need to remember to stay close to him and have Faith that he is watching over us. I know this for a fact! I know that following the gospel will bring us true happiness- the world will tell us otherwise, but I know I am truely happy & living the gospel has brought me that. Amen