Today is a day to celebrate and reflect. I'm just 3 days away from my 4 year transplantiversary. . .this is the day every year that I think about what was my last few breaths I took on my own. On 12.10.07 I was to the point of dementia. I didn't really understand my surroundings but I knew one thing, I was in pain. I remember being really tired and wanted to sleep. I also remember feeling very thirsty and Orange Juice sounded so delicious. I was scared. I knew that no matter what happened I had done my part. I had done all I could. I didn't give up on me & I am glad Bryan, Dr. Pilewski, the surgeons, the nurses, and friends and family didn't give up on me either.
4 years ago today I talked to my dad on the phone. . .possibly for the last time. He asked me if I had carried my burden long enough. . . .
I answered "Yes". . .
I answered yes to that question for the first time in my life. I was willing to bear my burden for as long as I was asked to. I also believe we are never given more than we can handle. I had finally reached my end. I had carried my burden as long as I could. On this day Four years ago my faith and the faith & prayers of others was seen and heard by God and answered. I could no longer carry my weak, sick and diseased body for one more breath and I didn't have to. The ventilator could do it for me. . .
When Bryan was approached about putting me on the ventilator, it was a decision he didn't want to have to make. . . and definitely not make it alone. He says I told him to do it that I told him it was the right thing to do. I don't remember telling him that, but I must have had an insider tip.
The Transplant team met & decided my life needed to be saved. Most centers would have listed all the many reasons I shouldn't be a transplant candidate, but UPMC doctors looked at my case and said "Why Not?" Paul my pre-transplant coordinator began working on getting me listed and by the end of December 7th 2007 I was listed at the TOP of the transplant list. I was listed with a Lung Allocation Score of around 90. . .most people are listed in the 30's.
I was in the ICU and the Ventilator was now breathing for me, I was resting peacefully . . . and the wait began. . .
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2 weeks ago