I have heard thy prayer, I have seen thy tears, behold I will heal thee.
2Kings 20:5

Friday, January 6, 2012

Personality Changes Post TX

A friend and I were talking about "changes" in ourselves that we noticed post transplant. Most of them are funny like that I can tolerate and sometimes even crave seafood now. .which I HATED pre transplant. I also notice I have a lot less patience and I am more irritable than before. I am still pretty even tempered (I think) but Bryan might disagree. haha. I get stressed out easier and I have a difficult time getting over it. The other night I bought some KRAFT cheese slices only to get them home and realize they were the wrong ones. . .I was sooooooooooo bugged and upset that I threw the cheese and cried about it. . . .I would have never had that reaction to something as small as buying the wrong cheese. It's funny now, but at the time I was quite mad, frustrated, bugged and stressed at the same time.

I also notice that I am a lot more self conscience about my weight. I am so afraid of the effects of Prednisone that I over compensate. Which isn't a bad thing, I'm not developing an eating disorder. .I'm just more aware of what I'm eating and how much I'm exercising. I weigh the most I EVER have in my life, which I should be happy about but now I'm always worried it will lead to things like diabetes, cellulite and muffin top (oh my) haha! It's difficult to go from being really lean and having mostly muscle tone to struggling with keeping muscle tone. It's a constant battle that I never really had to fight before my transplant, so it's just an adjustment. . .not necessarily a bad thing, just different. When I mention it to Bryan his response is "Welcome to the real world" . .. .so true, CF might have sucked for breathing but eating whatever I wanted and staying lean was a bonus. Now I am dealing with issues that "normal" women deal with. . .controlling my appetite and staying in shape :)

Fear! Fear is a HUGE factor in my life now post transplant. I am CONSTANTLY thinking "worst case scenarios". If someone asks me do to something or go somewhere with them, my brain automatically imagines the worst thing that could happen. I can't help it, but I over think the "what if's" until it drives me crazy. haha. Those are just a few of the things I have noticed. I'm not complaining, it is what it is and I'll take all the quirky things I do now in order to breath.

So does anyone else post transplant notice anything that has changed a little in your personality? I would love to know. :)

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Anonymous said...

Jamie ~ You have been nominated for the Versatile Blogger Award ~ http://my2ndheartbeat.wordpress.com/2012/01/07/the-versatile-blogger-award/

Hanging out with the Riley's said...

ahwha honey I think its ok to notice some of changes. It will help you to work on them. My new phrase is "When you know better you do better" Soon the rough edges of these negative changes with become smoother and less noticeable. Living with never saying these things out loud only makes you fell like your going crazy...hahaha. I know because I have to say my flaws out loud alot. hahaaa. You always talk about the positive changes so I think its ok to give relevance to the negative too every once in while. You are loved any way you handle things ....have to admit I did laugh out loud about the cheese thing.....hahahhaaa

Where to start to learn about my transplant!

Thank You for taking the time to read my blog. I am hoping that through this blog and my experiences that I can bring hope, faith and strength to all that may be living with Cystic Fibrosis, CF with Cepacia and Lung Transplant recipients. Information and blog entrees start Nov. 07. My Double Lung Transplant was on Dec. 10th 2007. Please feel free to read about my experience and ask me any questions! My email address is jamiebug77@gmail.com

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My Testimony

It's hard to put into words how I feel toward my Heavenly Father and the Savior. I have so many reasons to be thankful for what I have gone through & endured. Because of my trials in life I have gained a strong testimony of Faith. I have always had Faith in the Lord and in Prayer. As I faced the decision to get a double lung transplant I had to rely on faith to make the choice.....By listening to the spirit, I was guided to Pittsburgh where my life was saved. I believe prayers are answered. I have always tried to follow the philosophy of this: If I do what the Lord expects of me, he will give me what I want & need. That has always worked for me. I Believe in MIRACLES..........My life on this earth is a miracle- I prayed on my knees for years to be healed from my lung disease. I knew that through a priesthood blessing (if it was God's will) I could be healed. So many times I thought he would heal me instantly...my faith was tested as I continued to get sick and no cure was in my future. I turned to prayer....I talked to my Heavenly Father, I cried to him and he heard me and he healed me by guiding me to Pittsburgh and guiding the surgeons hands. I learned humility, and thankfulness. I realized that we need others to lean on and we are supposed to strengthen each others testimonies. I learned that the hardest things we'll do are usually the greatest blessings in our life. I was able to experience a lot of things during surgery and I know I had comforting angels in my ICU room. THe Lord knows each of us by name and he will never leave our side. We need to remember to stay close to him and have Faith that he is watching over us. I know this for a fact! I know that following the gospel will bring us true happiness- the world will tell us otherwise, but I know I am truely happy & living the gospel has brought me that. Amen