I have heard thy prayer, I have seen thy tears, behold I will heal thee.
2Kings 20:5

Thursday, September 24, 2015

Life...death...what's next?


As I approach my 8th transplant anniversary this December I have had times in my life to ask myself these three burning questions. Why is my life important? Why didn't I die 8 years ago...why was my life given back to me...and when I have to face it again, will I be ready to join the afterlife? 

Death is a complicated, scary and a beautiful thing. Death is complicated because I was there...staring at the veil between this life and the next and it's there that I found peace and all my pain and fear was gone...but my family was unable to feel that. I couldn't possibly help them understand. It's scary to look at you're family and know they'll miss you and thier hearts will have an empty space that you once filled. For me I have felt the love and comfort the afterlife has to offer. It's a beautiful feeling..no pain, no worry, zero sadness...just joy and love surrounded me. 

Before my transplant every breath I took felt like I was breathing shards of glass it was painful to force my lungs to struggle to take a single weak breath of air. My body was a prison for my soul at that point I could no longer bear the burden in which I had promised God I would carry until I could not carry it any longer. I knew the moment I was too weak and gave it over to the Lord & at that moment it was taken from me and I was overwhelmed and consumed with painless warmth and my fears were calmed...I experienced pure peace emotionally & physical peace. I didn't want to be put back into my worn out broken body. It was ravished with disease and without it my spirit felt for the first time excitement for what lied next.
It wasn't my time to go home...my body was repaired with new parts donated through a pure love from another Human Being who didn't know me. A selfless gift of life...of love.  I woke up days later grateful for my gift...but honestly I was okay with whatever GOD had prepared for me. 

8 years later I'm still breathing with my donors gift of her lungs...every day I'm reminded of MY miracle. It never loses the sacredness I hold it to. I was given a choice to return home to my heavenly family or stay here with my earthly family...there's no right or wrong answer...there's only my answer. I hope for many more years with my husband & family but when my years come to an end...know I have no regrets. 

3 comments:

Pam Noble said...

How sweet. It's comforting to hear those words from someone who has walked in my daughter's shoes. May God bless you with many more years to come.
Love you sweet girl
Pamela Noble

Nikkii Riley said...

I'm already crying at 5:55am in the morning. Hahaa. This was really priceless. It has been 8 glorious years with my bestee. I am thankful every year I get to have you here as well even if it was to balance able yo call you or see you living your life at full throttle. I will always be grateful to be your sister and for your sacrifices you made while I grew up and yo stay here with us. Love you sis!

Nikkii Riley said...

I'm already crying at 5:55am in the morning. Hahaa. This was really priceless. It has been 8 glorious years with my bestee. I am thankful every year I get to have you here as well even if it was to balance able yo call you or see you living your life at full throttle. I will always be grateful to be your sister and for your sacrifices you made while I grew up and yo stay here with us. Love you sis!

Where to start to learn about my transplant!

Thank You for taking the time to read my blog. I am hoping that through this blog and my experiences that I can bring hope, faith and strength to all that may be living with Cystic Fibrosis, CF with Cepacia and Lung Transplant recipients. Information and blog entrees start Nov. 07. My Double Lung Transplant was on Dec. 10th 2007. Please feel free to read about my experience and ask me any questions! My email address is jamiebug77@gmail.com

My Story - Pause Music Player First

Popular Posts

My Testimony

It's hard to put into words how I feel toward my Heavenly Father and the Savior. I have so many reasons to be thankful for what I have gone through & endured. Because of my trials in life I have gained a strong testimony of Faith. I have always had Faith in the Lord and in Prayer. As I faced the decision to get a double lung transplant I had to rely on faith to make the choice.....By listening to the spirit, I was guided to Pittsburgh where my life was saved. I believe prayers are answered. I have always tried to follow the philosophy of this: If I do what the Lord expects of me, he will give me what I want & need. That has always worked for me. I Believe in MIRACLES..........My life on this earth is a miracle- I prayed on my knees for years to be healed from my lung disease. I knew that through a priesthood blessing (if it was God's will) I could be healed. So many times I thought he would heal me instantly...my faith was tested as I continued to get sick and no cure was in my future. I turned to prayer....I talked to my Heavenly Father, I cried to him and he heard me and he healed me by guiding me to Pittsburgh and guiding the surgeons hands. I learned humility, and thankfulness. I realized that we need others to lean on and we are supposed to strengthen each others testimonies. I learned that the hardest things we'll do are usually the greatest blessings in our life. I was able to experience a lot of things during surgery and I know I had comforting angels in my ICU room. THe Lord knows each of us by name and he will never leave our side. We need to remember to stay close to him and have Faith that he is watching over us. I know this for a fact! I know that following the gospel will bring us true happiness- the world will tell us otherwise, but I know I am truely happy & living the gospel has brought me that. Amen