I have heard thy prayer, I have seen thy tears, behold I will heal thee.
2Kings 20:5

Wednesday, February 10, 2010

How I love Thee!

Valentines Day is just around the corner! We have never really celebrated it much ever. It is CRAZY to consider trying to go out to dinner that night, so we don't do that. We usually buy each other something nice. . .not too elaborate. But this year I would like to come up with something inexpensive yet creative and meaningful. Usually all I ever ask from Bryan is for him to write me a love letter! I like getting those and I keep them all together in a shadow box I made many, many years ago. I keep love letters from him to me and also love letters I have wrote to him.

When I was in my teens I thought I never wanted to marry, have a family, and do all the traditional 'llife' stuff. I had good reason too. I knew I would likely not live to see my 30th birthday or possibly even my 20th birthday. I felt like it would be wrong to let someone love me and have to lose me. I knew a family would pretty much be impossible due to infertility and risk of pregnancy. I thought I was happy being alone, living "MY" life. I am glad I am wrong, I am glad that GOD has a plan for me and that he knew I needed Bryan. I met Bryan when I was just 19. I wasnt' looking for someone to love or to love me back, but that's what happened. I felt guilty sometimes, like I was cheating him from being with someone who could give him things I couldn't (like kids and growing old together). I know nothing in life is a guarantee. . .but I knew I had an expiration date much sooner than most. I just know that I would have never made it through life and living with CF as an adult if I hadn't had him by my side the whole time. Love can make us stronger than we think we can be. I pushed myself through the sick times to get healthy to have more time with him. He spent countless nights with my in the hospital because I couldn't stand to watch him leave. He was my motivator to do my meds and treatments. He wouldn't give up on me and wouldn't allow me to give up on myself. I thought I needed a life alone to accomplish my Dream of Acting. . .when I really needed loved, 100% undying, dedicated, unconditionally loved.
I married my husband, Bryan, over 11 years ago. I am so thankful I didn't cheat myself out of the past WONDERFUL 11 years. I think it is always a challenge to let people into our lives, because we feel like we need to protect them from something. CF as an adult is hard, and it's absolutely hard on the ones who love us, who spend every day with us. . .who watch us as we get sicker. I know that Bryan wouldn't want to have done it any differently. I know that the spouses of CFers are pretty incredible people. I have had a conversations with my Cyster whom I am very close with. . . and we both agree that people who can love us soooooo much and carry us when we can't walk are more amazing people than we can ever hope to be. Anyone who has someone in their life probably realizes how strong and incredible their loved one is. Make sure to tell them how much you love them everyday!

There are a lot of things we may think are 'important', but love is what makes life worth living!

Save a life * Be Someone's Hero * Be an Organ Donor

4 comments:

bo said...

I love reading about how happy you are with you husband. *squish*

Jen said...

You guys are the perfect couple...seriously! We love having you in our family and wouldn't trade it for anything...except for maybe that crossed eyed Bec, oh I mean,....ha ha...just kidding...we love ya!

Somer Love said...

Love ya Jamie!

Happy LOVE day! Xo

Fahr.denise said...

Jamie,
Thanks for that post. It helped me realize that it's not just my husband being odd by not allowing people in his life. I never could really grasp why he felt that way but seeing that other CF'ers are the same way helps me understand him much more. I am learning so much about the psychological impacts of CF even more by reading your posts and I thank you again for that. Your post-transplant change is uplifting and I dream about the day Jim has his new lungs and all the things (no matter how small) we will be able to do. Thank you again! Denise (wife of Another Outlet).

Where to start to learn about my transplant!

Thank You for taking the time to read my blog. I am hoping that through this blog and my experiences that I can bring hope, faith and strength to all that may be living with Cystic Fibrosis, CF with Cepacia and Lung Transplant recipients. Information and blog entrees start Nov. 07. My Double Lung Transplant was on Dec. 10th 2007. Please feel free to read about my experience and ask me any questions! My email address is jamiebug77@gmail.com

My Story - Pause Music Player First

Popular Posts

My Testimony

It's hard to put into words how I feel toward my Heavenly Father and the Savior. I have so many reasons to be thankful for what I have gone through & endured. Because of my trials in life I have gained a strong testimony of Faith. I have always had Faith in the Lord and in Prayer. As I faced the decision to get a double lung transplant I had to rely on faith to make the choice.....By listening to the spirit, I was guided to Pittsburgh where my life was saved. I believe prayers are answered. I have always tried to follow the philosophy of this: If I do what the Lord expects of me, he will give me what I want & need. That has always worked for me. I Believe in MIRACLES..........My life on this earth is a miracle- I prayed on my knees for years to be healed from my lung disease. I knew that through a priesthood blessing (if it was God's will) I could be healed. So many times I thought he would heal me instantly...my faith was tested as I continued to get sick and no cure was in my future. I turned to prayer....I talked to my Heavenly Father, I cried to him and he heard me and he healed me by guiding me to Pittsburgh and guiding the surgeons hands. I learned humility, and thankfulness. I realized that we need others to lean on and we are supposed to strengthen each others testimonies. I learned that the hardest things we'll do are usually the greatest blessings in our life. I was able to experience a lot of things during surgery and I know I had comforting angels in my ICU room. THe Lord knows each of us by name and he will never leave our side. We need to remember to stay close to him and have Faith that he is watching over us. I know this for a fact! I know that following the gospel will bring us true happiness- the world will tell us otherwise, but I know I am truely happy & living the gospel has brought me that. Amen