Understanding Myself

Okay, so first off I have to say. . . .love the guesses to my last post, and I am hoping to tell you all about it soon. It's so much fun to NOT talk about things sometimes :)

Tonight I am sitting here in bed whilst Bryan sleepeths next to me. I always struggle falling to sleep after performances. Which I had 2 shows tonight. I feel I did okay, and even had a couple pretty good scenes. I have made some progress for sure, but I still have a long ways to go. Anywho, I find myself somewhat random yet internally reflective at times like these. No one to talk to (he's fast asleep), therefore leaving me left with only myself to 'think' to. *I Don't "talk" to myself because that would be crazy ~

Teaching or forcing ourselves to make changes in our lives or in ourselves is often an seemingly impossible task. I have overcome many bad habits which haunted me for years. One of them was biting my nails. I did that for 19 years. Then finally I was sick of it. It's tough, but it can be done. Another thing I did was I wanted to see if I could truly quit drinking caffeine. . . so I quit. I didn't drink my regular morning, mid morning, afternoon, mid afternoon, dinner, and just before bed Mountain Dew. I substituted it with Squirt. It was tough & I am sure I slipped a little Dew in here and there, but I quit. I was Mnt Dew free for close to 6 months before my transplant. I Honestly drank a ton of Squirt and White Powerade! It's an awesome feeling to overcome 'yourself'. To overcome something that pretty much controlled me. To be in control.

Still today I have things I want to change. Habits I want to minimize or eliminate and also 'good' habits I want to improve on. In order to accomplish either goal, I believe I must understand myself. To honestly look into me, discover why I do or don't do certain things. I think I hold myself back more than anyone else ever could.

Spring cleaning time here, and I want to spring clean my mind. I want to clean all the negative thoughts and criticism I have stored away up in my brain and de-junk myself. I want to be assertive, more confident and less hesitant and self doubting. Those are all qualities I know I have stored away in a box up in my attic somewhere.

*I don't want this post to come off in a negative light, I am happy with who I am and where I am in life. . .but I have grown the most as a person when I stop and take the time to understand who I am right now. To seize the opportunity to find ways to better myself so I can be prepared to help others.

Save a life * Be Someone's Hero * Be an Organ Donor