I have heard thy prayer, I have seen thy tears, behold I will heal thee.
2Kings 20:5

Sunday, March 21, 2010

Understanding Myself

Okay, so first off I have to say. . . .love the guesses to my last post, and I am hoping to tell you all about it soon. It's so much fun to NOT talk about things sometimes :)

Tonight I am sitting here in bed whilst Bryan sleepeths next to me. I always struggle falling to sleep after performances. Which I had 2 shows tonight. I feel I did okay, and even had a couple pretty good scenes. I have made some progress for sure, but I still have a long ways to go. Anywho, I find myself somewhat random yet internally reflective at times like these. No one to talk to (he's fast asleep), therefore leaving me left with only myself to 'think' to. *I Don't "talk" to myself because that would be crazy ~

Teaching or forcing ourselves to make changes in our lives or in ourselves is often an seemingly impossible task. I have overcome many bad habits which haunted me for years. One of them was biting my nails. I did that for 19 years. Then finally I was sick of it. It's tough, but it can be done. Another thing I did was I wanted to see if I could truly quit drinking caffeine. . . so I quit. I didn't drink my regular morning, mid morning, afternoon, mid afternoon, dinner, and just before bed Mountain Dew. I substituted it with Squirt. It was tough & I am sure I slipped a little Dew in here and there, but I quit. I was Mnt Dew free for close to 6 months before my transplant. I Honestly drank a ton of Squirt and White Powerade! It's an awesome feeling to overcome 'yourself'. To overcome something that pretty much controlled me. To be in control.

Still today I have things I want to change. Habits I want to minimize or eliminate and also 'good' habits I want to improve on. In order to accomplish either goal, I believe I must understand myself. To honestly look into me, discover why I do or don't do certain things. I think I hold myself back more than anyone else ever could.

Spring cleaning time here, and I want to spring clean my mind. I want to clean all the negative thoughts and criticism I have stored away up in my brain and de-junk myself. I want to be assertive, more confident and less hesitant and self doubting. Those are all qualities I know I have stored away in a box up in my attic somewhere.

*I don't want this post to come off in a negative light, I am happy with who I am and where I am in life. . .but I have grown the most as a person when I stop and take the time to understand who I am right now. To seize the opportunity to find ways to better myself so I can be prepared to help others.

Save a life * Be Someone's Hero * Be an Organ Donor

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Where to start to learn about my transplant!

Thank You for taking the time to read my blog. I am hoping that through this blog and my experiences that I can bring hope, faith and strength to all that may be living with Cystic Fibrosis, CF with Cepacia and Lung Transplant recipients. Information and blog entrees start Nov. 07. My Double Lung Transplant was on Dec. 10th 2007. Please feel free to read about my experience and ask me any questions! My email address is jamiebug77@gmail.com

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My Testimony

It's hard to put into words how I feel toward my Heavenly Father and the Savior. I have so many reasons to be thankful for what I have gone through & endured. Because of my trials in life I have gained a strong testimony of Faith. I have always had Faith in the Lord and in Prayer. As I faced the decision to get a double lung transplant I had to rely on faith to make the choice.....By listening to the spirit, I was guided to Pittsburgh where my life was saved. I believe prayers are answered. I have always tried to follow the philosophy of this: If I do what the Lord expects of me, he will give me what I want & need. That has always worked for me. I Believe in MIRACLES..........My life on this earth is a miracle- I prayed on my knees for years to be healed from my lung disease. I knew that through a priesthood blessing (if it was God's will) I could be healed. So many times I thought he would heal me instantly...my faith was tested as I continued to get sick and no cure was in my future. I turned to prayer....I talked to my Heavenly Father, I cried to him and he heard me and he healed me by guiding me to Pittsburgh and guiding the surgeons hands. I learned humility, and thankfulness. I realized that we need others to lean on and we are supposed to strengthen each others testimonies. I learned that the hardest things we'll do are usually the greatest blessings in our life. I was able to experience a lot of things during surgery and I know I had comforting angels in my ICU room. THe Lord knows each of us by name and he will never leave our side. We need to remember to stay close to him and have Faith that he is watching over us. I know this for a fact! I know that following the gospel will bring us true happiness- the world will tell us otherwise, but I know I am truely happy & living the gospel has brought me that. Amen