I have heard thy prayer, I have seen thy tears, behold I will heal thee.
2Kings 20:5

Friday, May 21, 2010

Why isn't life fair?

Trials in our life can seem so overwhelming and devastating while we are going through them. They can make us ask ourselves 'why? What did I do to be punished for?' As hard as it is to not think that way and see past our immediate grief, we must in order to survive and learn. I have always believed that we will not be given more than we can handle. I have always loved "I never said it would be easy. . .I only said it would be worth it."

I had many, many times in my life where CF through me curve balls. . . I had my share of despair and pain. I will have more. I had times I wanted to give up and times I wished it away. But in retrospect, the things I endured built me up,strengthened, and prepared me for what was ahead of me. If I had avoided all the trial leading up to my transplant I don't think I would have had the strength and determination to endure it. Getting through tough times teaches us. It teaches us things about ourselves and about our abilities beyond what we could have ever learned on our own.

It's really hard to watch others go through pain, and suffering. When people I love are sad, sick or lost. . . it pains me. I 'wish' it away, but then I remember what I was slowly being prepared to do and I know my friends/loved ones are also being prepared for their life. Others' pain and trials can strengthen those around them as well. So I pray not for life to go the way I think or wish it would, but I pray for strength to endure and for others to have strength. I pray for comfort and understanding.

I had a conversation the other day with a girlfriend of mine. As I reflected back on my life and the things I have been taught and the choices I made, I realized all those things make me who I am today. If even just one of them changed, I would have been different. . . I would not have the same life. The good and the bad. We have to love and embrace both. We learn from both. I learned what kind of life I wanted to lead, I wanted religion and spiritual guidance. Sometimes we learn the most from the really hard things and through our mistakes. I have thought about this subject many times throughout my life. I feel that the harder our trials are, the more strength it shows we have because we CAN endure it, we can overcome it! Sometimes we don't do it alone, perhaps we never do it alone. . but we are given the tools and people in our lives to help us along our way. We can find the most strength by letting others help us.

So I guess if this post has any 'message' or point it probably is to not get too discouraged by life. Life is unpredictable and even mean sometimes, but I have Faith that it IS worth it. I heard an interesting comparison the other day. If you believe (like I do), that this life is a test, then this makes perfect sense. Tests are never fun! So why do we expect life to always be fun? Don't misunderstand- I think we can find happiness in all we do, but that means accepting the 'un-fun' stuff too. :) . . .and think how much we learn and how rewarding it is when we pass a really hard test!!!

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Where to start to learn about my transplant!

Thank You for taking the time to read my blog. I am hoping that through this blog and my experiences that I can bring hope, faith and strength to all that may be living with Cystic Fibrosis, CF with Cepacia and Lung Transplant recipients. Information and blog entrees start Nov. 07. My Double Lung Transplant was on Dec. 10th 2007. Please feel free to read about my experience and ask me any questions! My email address is jamiebug77@gmail.com

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My Testimony

It's hard to put into words how I feel toward my Heavenly Father and the Savior. I have so many reasons to be thankful for what I have gone through & endured. Because of my trials in life I have gained a strong testimony of Faith. I have always had Faith in the Lord and in Prayer. As I faced the decision to get a double lung transplant I had to rely on faith to make the choice.....By listening to the spirit, I was guided to Pittsburgh where my life was saved. I believe prayers are answered. I have always tried to follow the philosophy of this: If I do what the Lord expects of me, he will give me what I want & need. That has always worked for me. I Believe in MIRACLES..........My life on this earth is a miracle- I prayed on my knees for years to be healed from my lung disease. I knew that through a priesthood blessing (if it was God's will) I could be healed. So many times I thought he would heal me instantly...my faith was tested as I continued to get sick and no cure was in my future. I turned to prayer....I talked to my Heavenly Father, I cried to him and he heard me and he healed me by guiding me to Pittsburgh and guiding the surgeons hands. I learned humility, and thankfulness. I realized that we need others to lean on and we are supposed to strengthen each others testimonies. I learned that the hardest things we'll do are usually the greatest blessings in our life. I was able to experience a lot of things during surgery and I know I had comforting angels in my ICU room. THe Lord knows each of us by name and he will never leave our side. We need to remember to stay close to him and have Faith that he is watching over us. I know this for a fact! I know that following the gospel will bring us true happiness- the world will tell us otherwise, but I know I am truely happy & living the gospel has brought me that. Amen