Since my latest post was about what I remember before surgery. . . I thought I could follow up with some after surgery. This is where stuff starts getting weird!
I only had a small window of time where I was somewhat thinking clearly. I remember after waking up from surgery I was told they had to leave my whole incision open, or at least the left side. The lungs I got were a little bit big for my chest, so they trimmed them to fit better. They had to leave the 18" incision open until swelling went down a little. I remember I was obsesses and kept pointing out that no one can touch my chest cuz it was open. I admit I was afraid to look down at it in fear it was just wide open! (it wasn't though) It was a couple days after surgery they took me back in and closed me up. I have to say whomever closed the incision did a fabulous job~ my scar is seriously hardly noticeable!
I remember my mom brought me a stress sqeezy ball thing and a little horse/unicorn stuffed animal. . .by then I had dementia and reacted oddly to things and dementia made it impossible to differentiate between reality and craziness.
This was the main things I remember. I thought the nurses were feeding me Italian Dressing through my Tube Feeding. I remember looking at the bottle and that is what I saw! I saw people standing around my room, just watching me. I thought the doctors and nurses were doing radio active testing on me and trying to kill me before I could tell anyone about what they were doing. I thought I was being pulled through walls. I had nightmares constantly, whether I was asleep or awake. I thought the med tray was a stack of beautifully wrapped gifts for me. Pink with brown polka dot paper with HUGE bows. I thought the nurses where trying to shut off my ventilator. and the respiratory therapist was putting deadly gasses through it forcing me to breath it. I REALLY believed this was real, so imagine how terrified I was to be left alone! I only trusted ONE person Bryan. He was called to sit with me in the middle of the night cuz the nurses couldn't get me to settle down. Pretty sure I was being given anti-psychotics :) I know I needed them. Oh and not to mention I was pretty sure my bed was leaking nitrogen or something and I was afraid it was going to blow up everything. Oh and then there is a whole saga about how I killed 16 college students and thought I was going to jail, assassination attempts were being made. . . .to be continued. I was crazy for weeks and weeks. oh and I can tell you when I was able to escape (but not really) and told the cops what was going on & about the foreign doctor who was running a crime circle in the hospital! I thought IT WAS all real.
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