I have heard thy prayer, I have seen thy tears, behold I will heal thee.
2Kings 20:5

Wednesday, June 16, 2010

What I remember

More than once I have wished I could remember more from the days before my transplant. But due to carbon dioxide levels. . I don't. Maybe that's a good thing, it's probably a good thing. As I read some of the new transplant recipients experiences with getting the call, etc. it just takes me back. . . I didn't document the months or days before my transplant and I do not remember large chunks of time before my transplant. . .and even worse, I don't remember the little details. I do remember a few select things and with the help of Bryan and my family I do recall a few other things. Here is what I DO remember.

I will try to recall the 24 hours before I was put on a ventilator.
December 6th 2007
I woke up Wednesday night(Thursday morning) in the middle of the night, I remember I could not sleep. I remember being afraid I would not wake up. In a way I think somewhere deep inside me I knew I was going to die. I woke Bryan up and he comforted me, we spent most of the night in each others arms. The rest of the morning I don't really remember. Bryan said when we got to the hospital we couldn't find a wheelchair so I had to walk and apparently I complained about it the entire time. I remember wierd, random things like passing a vending machine and wanting a Mnt Dew. I DO remember passing Ashley on the way to the clinic. Ashley was a CF/Cepacia patient who was  about 3 months post transplant. . .seeing and talking with her was important to me & that is one thing I never forgot. I don't remember meeting/talking to any doctors or surgeons, which I apparently did. I only remember feeling really tired and extremely thirsty. I remember my doctor's nurse,  because she had cute, short hair. (random stuff). I remember laying in a hospital bed and I remember Bryan was crying and I started to sing "Don't cry for me Argentina" to him. . . I remember it made us laugh. I remember talking to my Dad on the phone since he was in Idaho. I remember we said our goodbyes, and our "I love yous". He asked me if I was done carrying my burden in life (CF), and I remembering replying "Yes". Bryan told me when we were told I needed to be put on a ventilator, I told him it was the right thing to do. (I don't remember that). I remember thinking a little boy across the hall was making this awful moaning/groaning sound and I remember I was wishing they would make him stop. . .later I learned the moaning and groaning was coming from me. That is probably the last thing I actually remember. I was ventilated Friday December 7th.  I was peaceful for the first time in many years.

That is how I remember the hours/days before my transplant. I didn't have to fight the emotions of 'getting the call' or being prepped for surgery. But, I don't remember the tender and loving words that I am sure Bryan whispered as he sat by my bedside for 3 days while I was being kept alive.( I am hoping one day I can get Bry to guest post)  I have no doubts that my experience was how God had planned. It was perfect for ME. . .I think that's the beauty of everyone's story, they are unique in many ways and they are all beautiful miracles.
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1 comment:

Vicky said...

Jamie, your story is amazing. That you for sharing that time with us. I can't imagine what Bryan would have been going through while you were being peacefully ventilated - a guest post would be wonderul :-)! I've been thinking exactly what you say here about how everyone's transplant story is unique. I've been planning a post about that too. But not everyone's story is quite as miraculous as yours!! Vickyx

Where to start to learn about my transplant!

Thank You for taking the time to read my blog. I am hoping that through this blog and my experiences that I can bring hope, faith and strength to all that may be living with Cystic Fibrosis, CF with Cepacia and Lung Transplant recipients. Information and blog entrees start Nov. 07. My Double Lung Transplant was on Dec. 10th 2007. Please feel free to read about my experience and ask me any questions! My email address is jamiebug77@gmail.com

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My Testimony

It's hard to put into words how I feel toward my Heavenly Father and the Savior. I have so many reasons to be thankful for what I have gone through & endured. Because of my trials in life I have gained a strong testimony of Faith. I have always had Faith in the Lord and in Prayer. As I faced the decision to get a double lung transplant I had to rely on faith to make the choice.....By listening to the spirit, I was guided to Pittsburgh where my life was saved. I believe prayers are answered. I have always tried to follow the philosophy of this: If I do what the Lord expects of me, he will give me what I want & need. That has always worked for me. I Believe in MIRACLES..........My life on this earth is a miracle- I prayed on my knees for years to be healed from my lung disease. I knew that through a priesthood blessing (if it was God's will) I could be healed. So many times I thought he would heal me instantly...my faith was tested as I continued to get sick and no cure was in my future. I turned to prayer....I talked to my Heavenly Father, I cried to him and he heard me and he healed me by guiding me to Pittsburgh and guiding the surgeons hands. I learned humility, and thankfulness. I realized that we need others to lean on and we are supposed to strengthen each others testimonies. I learned that the hardest things we'll do are usually the greatest blessings in our life. I was able to experience a lot of things during surgery and I know I had comforting angels in my ICU room. THe Lord knows each of us by name and he will never leave our side. We need to remember to stay close to him and have Faith that he is watching over us. I know this for a fact! I know that following the gospel will bring us true happiness- the world will tell us otherwise, but I know I am truely happy & living the gospel has brought me that. Amen