I have heard thy prayer, I have seen thy tears, behold I will heal thee.
2Kings 20:5

Friday, February 11, 2011

My one wish. . .

If I could wish for one thing it would be to never have to fear rejection ever. Every time I go out in public, I have a cough/sneeze radar. I am so afraid of getting sick that could possibly lead to rejection that I even have a bit of social anxiety. Not in a noticeably obvious way, but privately in my head. I am not comfortable in large crowds of people or around other people's kids. It's unfortunate but necessary. I have to be very careful at Church during cold/flu season and It's hard cuz I want to be there. . .but with so many people who are oblivious to how "spreading germs" is a HUGE social problem; I don't know how to avoid people who don't keep their sickness at home where they belong. I will never be able to control my environment 100% of the time, so I do the best I can.

I have been feeling more anxious lately. I feel like 3 years post transplant is just too good to be true to have such clear and healthy non-rejection lungs. Although I pray it continues to stay that way, it's hard to not think that perhaps I'm due for some issues. I am not sure what brings on these concerns and doubts, but they are all a part of the post-transplant life. I think part of it could be the recent cold I'm just starting to recover from. Also with the cold and the winter blizzard snowfalls I have not made it out to get a good work out. I need to get some time on the treadmill and see if that puts my body and mind back in harmony. So Monday I will be hitting the gym to see how far I can run, it's been a while so I will be starting back out slow :) I can control what I can and even though I may not have much control over whether I reject. . .I have control on keeping my lungs healthy and in shape. So to the gym we'll go. . just me and my lungs~

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Where to start to learn about my transplant!

Thank You for taking the time to read my blog. I am hoping that through this blog and my experiences that I can bring hope, faith and strength to all that may be living with Cystic Fibrosis, CF with Cepacia and Lung Transplant recipients. Information and blog entrees start Nov. 07. My Double Lung Transplant was on Dec. 10th 2007. Please feel free to read about my experience and ask me any questions! My email address is jamiebug77@gmail.com

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My Testimony

It's hard to put into words how I feel toward my Heavenly Father and the Savior. I have so many reasons to be thankful for what I have gone through & endured. Because of my trials in life I have gained a strong testimony of Faith. I have always had Faith in the Lord and in Prayer. As I faced the decision to get a double lung transplant I had to rely on faith to make the choice.....By listening to the spirit, I was guided to Pittsburgh where my life was saved. I believe prayers are answered. I have always tried to follow the philosophy of this: If I do what the Lord expects of me, he will give me what I want & need. That has always worked for me. I Believe in MIRACLES..........My life on this earth is a miracle- I prayed on my knees for years to be healed from my lung disease. I knew that through a priesthood blessing (if it was God's will) I could be healed. So many times I thought he would heal me instantly...my faith was tested as I continued to get sick and no cure was in my future. I turned to prayer....I talked to my Heavenly Father, I cried to him and he heard me and he healed me by guiding me to Pittsburgh and guiding the surgeons hands. I learned humility, and thankfulness. I realized that we need others to lean on and we are supposed to strengthen each others testimonies. I learned that the hardest things we'll do are usually the greatest blessings in our life. I was able to experience a lot of things during surgery and I know I had comforting angels in my ICU room. THe Lord knows each of us by name and he will never leave our side. We need to remember to stay close to him and have Faith that he is watching over us. I know this for a fact! I know that following the gospel will bring us true happiness- the world will tell us otherwise, but I know I am truely happy & living the gospel has brought me that. Amen