If I could wish for one thing it would be to never have to fear rejection ever. Every time I go out in public, I have a cough/sneeze radar. I am so afraid of getting sick that could possibly lead to rejection that I even have a bit of social anxiety. Not in a noticeably obvious way, but privately in my head. I am not comfortable in large crowds of people or around other people's kids. It's unfortunate but necessary. I have to be very careful at Church during cold/flu season and It's hard cuz I want to be there. . .but with so many people who are oblivious to how "spreading germs" is a HUGE social problem; I don't know how to avoid people who don't keep their sickness at home where they belong. I will never be able to control my environment 100% of the time, so I do the best I can.
I have been feeling more anxious lately. I feel like 3 years post transplant is just too good to be true to have such clear and healthy non-rejection lungs. Although I pray it continues to stay that way, it's hard to not think that perhaps I'm due for some issues. I am not sure what brings on these concerns and doubts, but they are all a part of the post-transplant life. I think part of it could be the recent cold I'm just starting to recover from. Also with the cold and the winter blizzard snowfalls I have not made it out to get a good work out. I need to get some time on the treadmill and see if that puts my body and mind back in harmony. So Monday I will be hitting the gym to see how far I can run, it's been a while so I will be starting back out slow :) I can control what I can and even though I may not have much control over whether I reject. . .I have control on keeping my lungs healthy and in shape. So to the gym we'll go. . just me and my lungs~
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2 weeks ago