getting what I want out of life seems like an overwhelming task most days. I think of all the things I have done and all the things left to do and It makes me re-think the ones I have yet to do. . .
As life changes so does the priority of what I want to do. Having a feeling like my new found life could come crashing back down at any moment from 'chronic rejection' makes it impossible to not worry about what is the most important things I want to do, what I want to be or where I want to go. Living in fear is no way to really live either so I really don't focus on that. Like I said earlier. . .I would be lying if I said I never think about the "what if's".
I like where my life has taken me and where I am now. It's not always easy but I believe I have control whether I am happy or not and I choose happiness. I miss Idaho a lot. I miss my family & Bryan's family. I miss my friends and I miss riding horses with my mom. If I spent everyday focusing on what I don't have or can't do then I would surely be unhappy. I cannot control any of those things that I miss. I can only be happy here and try to go home when I can. I can control those things.
My biggest priority is Bryan, so as long as I am with him and he is happy then I am happy. I find things to occupy my time and I discover new talents when my other talents cannot be fulfilled at the moment. In a way it forces me to explore new things about myself that manifest when I am put in a new place/situation. Being pushed forward and not looking back except to reminisce and enjoy the memories.
Life can't have regrets if I choose to never regret the things I've done that has shaped me into the person I am today.
A friend of mine sent this picture to me...I am probably around 12 yrs old in this picture. That was around the age CF started to advance for me and I started spending a lot of time in the hospital but I think this picture speaks volumes about how I choose to live life. . . I pretty much had a smile on my face no matter what life threw at me.
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2 weeks ago