Eight Years Ago: I had almost lost hope for ever receiving the life saving surgery that I desperately needed. Cepacia prevented hospitals from accepting me and every day I became weaker, and lost a tiny bit of more hope. I had become a frequent flyer on the 6th floor at the Pocatello Hospital. I feel like everyone was preparing to say their "goodbyes" since it was obvious to everyone (but me) that I did not have much longer to spend time on this earth.
I remember vaguely as though it's a dream and not my reality...I struggled to get myself out of bed. A bath took most of my energy & whether to do my hair and makeup was a hard decision to make everyday. However, I stayed strong, enjoyed the life I had. I didn't want pitty, I was too strong for that. I was however shown much compassion.
We Sold our home that we had built 8 years of memories in and that was a sacrifice that my husband made so he could better care for me. Our first home, our first Christmas, our foster kids that we had taken in...many laughs and many tears gone and we only had hope and faith that God had a plan for me.
I know people who post things on Facebook like "share this and say "AMEN and you'll be blessed within 5 days....."
I'm here to testify that GOD knows us and he prepares blessings and even miracles but we must have faith to do the hard things, to do our part. Live our lives so that we can do what it takes to receive the blessings we ask for.
It was honestly so difficult to accept that GOD needed me to travel across the country in order to receive the blessing he had prepared for me. Like so many it's easy to want blessings on OUR terms, but that's NOT how it works. So I traveled to Pittsburgh even though it was ludicrous and no physician would have told me I was healthy enough...because I was not. I spent the last week of life my disease ridden, weak, expiring body had traveling on nothing but FAITH & a lot of HOPE!
So as I now travel back to Pittburgh almost 8 years later, despite not being able to afford it, and wishing that someday we might be able to go somewhere on a real vacation, I am filled with happiness and joy.
I have seen post double lung recipients live beautiful but much shorter and harder lives than me. I live with some survivors guilt...which makes me even more thankful for everyday I wake up, I have done things I never dreamed I would do.
In my eight years with my donor angel lungs I've seen Bryan complete school, traveled and lived in new places, I've done professional Improv, worked with a Casting Director, been in a movie, seen my nieces and nephews grow up so much, I went back to school and I create beautiful works of art on people's nails...I've made new lifelong friends in places far from my home in Idaho. I've spent eight more years building memories with my amazing husband...I see my miracle continues all these years later. I have had no major complications with my lungs. I had carried my burden of CF for 28 years and when I could no longer carry it, the Lord took it from me.
That is what Faith is for me. That is how I know without a doubt that my Heavenly Father knows "ME" and loves me. No one can take that away and everyday with every breath I am reminded. I'll never forget, i'll never be ungrateful and I'll always love my selfless Donor and her family. I'm thankful for stinky, cramped, relentlessly expensive & exhausting trips to Pittburgh because this is all part of my miracle that I asked for and GOD gave me.
Tomorrow I have my appointments and I'm stressed and worried but I know I'm being watched over and I have many people who keep me in their prayers. I know that no matter what the Doctors say...I'm still blessed beyond what I deserve.
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