I have heard thy prayer, I have seen thy tears, behold I will heal thee.
2Kings 20:5

Monday, August 10, 2009

A Chapter of my book. . . .

Okay, because Somer begged. . .I'll post a chapter. If you read it please leave a comment on what you thought or how it made you feel. Just please give me some feedback and preparing to submit it this week.

28 Breaths a Minute- (my book cover idea. . .)

(excerpt from chapter 6: GROWING UP)

. . .Dealing with the death of a beloved pet was just preparing me to deal with deaths of my

friends. As I got older I become aware of the severity of the destruction CF would cause to my body, by

dealing with my friends losing their battle with the disease. I attended a funeral for the first time when I was in my

early 20's. I thought I was ready to face one of my worst fears. I was not prepared for the emotional devastation

and realization I would endure.

It was difficult to see my friends suffer and even more difficult to hear of their passing. I was oddly relieved knowing they were not suffering any longer. I attended several of their funerals. Thoughts raced through my mind as I sat in the church buildings. I witnessed heartache and sadness for a young life taken. My chest felt empty and I couldn't seem to control my tears. I cried for the loved ones dealing with so much pain. I cried for me.

I knew how I was going to die. I was going to slowly suffocate, fighting until my body gives up. Just as my friends before me. I couldn't help but look around and see the floral arrangements, the pictures, the room filled with memories and see myself. I saw my family fill the seats and saw the tears of my parents. It was in situations like that when my denial, hopes, dreams, and goals melted into a dark muddy puddle and I felt as though I was standing in the middle of it, looking down and having nothing reflected back at me. It was hard knowing I was going to lose my battle with CF and somehow continue the fight. I was living long enough to finally see the destruction of Cystic Fibrosis. It's a dark place to be and it took a lot of talking to my Heavenly Father to find strength.

(excerpts from chapter 12: DID YOU LIVE A GOOD LIFE?)

I was hospitalized in April 2007 and the doctors outlook was very gloomy. I was told I was in the end stages of CF. I had to be put on oxygen full time and there was nothing else the doctors could do for me other than IV antibiotics. I was not really encouraged to try for a lung transplant, which would be the only thing that could save me, because I cultured the bacteria Cepacia.

Being on oxygen 24/7, was an incredibly difficult obstacle for me. I was so ashamed. I felt like I had let everyone down and now they would all know. I couldn't hide my pain and sickness any longer. I once felt like I was a beautiful woman, but as I looked into the mirror and saw my face covered with plastic tubing, I felt self conscience and didn't like what I saw. I was embarrassed to leave my house and was even tempted to not go to activities such as church so I wouldn't have to face people I knew. I felt ashamed and sick. I wanted to give up, I wanted to seclude myself but I knew better. My own self could not allow me to be like that. I gained the strength to 'overcome it'.

It wasn't easy, I spent many days crying, but I knew if I prayed for strength I would find it. I had to look into the mirror and tell myself I was beautiful and others think I am beautiful and that my oxygen tubing did not change who I was. It worked. If you give in to the adversary he will tear you down, it is your choice to believe it or not.

OKAY~ SO THAT'S ALL I'M GIVING YOU. . .WHAT DO YOU THINK, remember these are just a few paragraphs from a couple chapters. How does it flow and does it provoke any feeling? There is some better writing in other chapters, but I want to hang on to my "diamond" chapters.

Save a life..."Be Someone's Hero"....Be an Organ Donor


CFsteph said...

Wow...that is all I can say. I loved how it was so raw and could feel your pain. I can't wait to read more.

Anonymous said...

Wow Jamie! Good job! It's really good and descriptive! I can't wait to hear more!!! I hope you included my favorite part of the whole thing...I think you remember which one! ha ha...just kidding...But good job!

Jennifer said...

Awesome job Jamie!

Where to start to learn about my transplant!

Thank You for taking the time to read my blog. I am hoping that through this blog and my experiences that I can bring hope, faith and strength to all that may be living with Cystic Fibrosis, CF with Cepacia and Lung Transplant recipients. Information and blog entrees start Nov. 07. My Double Lung Transplant was on Dec. 10th 2007. Please feel free to read about my experience and ask me any questions! My email address is jamiebug77@gmail.com

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My Testimony

It's hard to put into words how I feel toward my Heavenly Father and the Savior. I have so many reasons to be thankful for what I have gone through & endured. Because of my trials in life I have gained a strong testimony of Faith. I have always had Faith in the Lord and in Prayer. As I faced the decision to get a double lung transplant I had to rely on faith to make the choice.....By listening to the spirit, I was guided to Pittsburgh where my life was saved. I believe prayers are answered. I have always tried to follow the philosophy of this: If I do what the Lord expects of me, he will give me what I want & need. That has always worked for me. I Believe in MIRACLES..........My life on this earth is a miracle- I prayed on my knees for years to be healed from my lung disease. I knew that through a priesthood blessing (if it was God's will) I could be healed. So many times I thought he would heal me instantly...my faith was tested as I continued to get sick and no cure was in my future. I turned to prayer....I talked to my Heavenly Father, I cried to him and he heard me and he healed me by guiding me to Pittsburgh and guiding the surgeons hands. I learned humility, and thankfulness. I realized that we need others to lean on and we are supposed to strengthen each others testimonies. I learned that the hardest things we'll do are usually the greatest blessings in our life. I was able to experience a lot of things during surgery and I know I had comforting angels in my ICU room. THe Lord knows each of us by name and he will never leave our side. We need to remember to stay close to him and have Faith that he is watching over us. I know this for a fact! I know that following the gospel will bring us true happiness- the world will tell us otherwise, but I know I am truely happy & living the gospel has brought me that. Amen