My hero. . .my guardian angel

This is a blog from Cystic Life that I wrote last night or night before. . .I just feel compelled to re-post it here. I think of my Donor and her family often, it's hard to put my feeling about them into words. . .but this blog post comes close.

I have had the last 2 years 9 months 1 week and 3 days to think about and wonder what kind of person she was. I long to know the person who lives on a little inside me. I long to share my life with the family who gave me this life. Every breath was a gift from her. . .from them.

Among other things I have thought about since my transplant, she is at the top of the list of most important people in my life. I honestly get overcome with emotions and as I type tears are falling down my cheeks. I am sad at times that her family's loss has became my gain. I truly hope that is never how they feel. I feel their loss. Every breath reminds me of their loss. It is bitter sweet in so many aspects. I also feel my donors love for me. I know she is watching over me as perhaps my personal guardian angel. Watching over the life she saved. I believe that we are doing this 'post transplant' life together.

The desire for closure is strong. To want to know what her interests, likes, dislikes. .goals in life and accomplishes in life were. It may be completely selfish to want to know. But it's a hero in my life that I will not meet in person. I know I will meet her again after this life. . .and that gives me peace and hope.

I am considering writing another letter to her family. To just share with them how wonderful the (almost 3 years) have been for me. To share my love for them. To tell them again how much their mother, daughter, wife, and sister means to me and my family. To tell them how well I have cared for the part of her that I was given. I know God made this miracle happen but without her sacrifice and the sacrifice from her family I would not be here. . .breathing, laughing, writing my story, trying to help and inspire others, and sharing my happiness with anyone who needs to borrow some.

I am starting to plan and train for the 2012 transplant games. I was unable to attend the 2010 due to Bryan's schedule, money, and a lack of support. . .but in 2012 team Jamiebug will be there to honor my donor. . .to compete with her gift of life and breath! To be a part of something so wonderful that I know my Donor would be happy with me!

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