I have heard thy prayer, I have seen thy tears, behold I will heal thee.
2Kings 20:5

Wednesday, September 22, 2010

My hero. . .my guardian angel

This is a blog from Cystic Life that I wrote last night or night before. . .I just feel compelled to re-post it here. I think of my Donor and her family often, it's hard to put my feeling about them into words. . .but this blog post comes close.

I have had the last 2 years 9 months 1 week and 3 days to think about and wonder what kind of person she was. I long to know the person who lives on a little inside me. I long to share my life with the family who gave me this life. Every breath was a gift from her. . .from them.

Among other things I have thought about since my transplant, she is at the top of the list of most important people in my life. I honestly get overcome with emotions and as I type tears are falling down my cheeks. I am sad at times that her family's loss has became my gain. I truly hope that is never how they feel. I feel their loss. Every breath reminds me of their loss. It is bitter sweet in so many aspects. I also feel my donors love for me. I know she is watching over me as perhaps my personal guardian angel. Watching over the life she saved. I believe that we are doing this 'post transplant' life together.

The desire for closure is strong. To want to know what her interests, likes, dislikes. .goals in life and accomplishes in life were. It may be completely selfish to want to know. But it's a hero in my life that I will not meet in person. I know I will meet her again after this life. . .and that gives me peace and hope.

I am considering writing another letter to her family. To just share with them how wonderful the (almost 3 years) have been for me. To share my love for them. To tell them again how much their mother, daughter, wife, and sister means to me and my family. To tell them how well I have cared for the part of her that I was given. I know God made this miracle happen but without her sacrifice and the sacrifice from her family I would not be here. . .breathing, laughing, writing my story, trying to help and inspire others, and sharing my happiness with anyone who needs to borrow some.

I am starting to plan and train for the 2012 transplant games. I was unable to attend the 2010 due to Bryan's schedule, money, and a lack of support. . .but in 2012 team Jamiebug will be there to honor my donor. . .to compete with her gift of life and breath! To be a part of something so wonderful that I know my Donor would be happy with me!
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Where to start to learn about my transplant!

Thank You for taking the time to read my blog. I am hoping that through this blog and my experiences that I can bring hope, faith and strength to all that may be living with Cystic Fibrosis, CF with Cepacia and Lung Transplant recipients. Information and blog entrees start Nov. 07. My Double Lung Transplant was on Dec. 10th 2007. Please feel free to read about my experience and ask me any questions! My email address is jamiebug77@gmail.com

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My Testimony

It's hard to put into words how I feel toward my Heavenly Father and the Savior. I have so many reasons to be thankful for what I have gone through & endured. Because of my trials in life I have gained a strong testimony of Faith. I have always had Faith in the Lord and in Prayer. As I faced the decision to get a double lung transplant I had to rely on faith to make the choice.....By listening to the spirit, I was guided to Pittsburgh where my life was saved. I believe prayers are answered. I have always tried to follow the philosophy of this: If I do what the Lord expects of me, he will give me what I want & need. That has always worked for me. I Believe in MIRACLES..........My life on this earth is a miracle- I prayed on my knees for years to be healed from my lung disease. I knew that through a priesthood blessing (if it was God's will) I could be healed. So many times I thought he would heal me instantly...my faith was tested as I continued to get sick and no cure was in my future. I turned to prayer....I talked to my Heavenly Father, I cried to him and he heard me and he healed me by guiding me to Pittsburgh and guiding the surgeons hands. I learned humility, and thankfulness. I realized that we need others to lean on and we are supposed to strengthen each others testimonies. I learned that the hardest things we'll do are usually the greatest blessings in our life. I was able to experience a lot of things during surgery and I know I had comforting angels in my ICU room. THe Lord knows each of us by name and he will never leave our side. We need to remember to stay close to him and have Faith that he is watching over us. I know this for a fact! I know that following the gospel will bring us true happiness- the world will tell us otherwise, but I know I am truely happy & living the gospel has brought me that. Amen