I have heard thy prayer, I have seen thy tears, behold I will heal thee.
2Kings 20:5

Thursday, September 15, 2011

Tears running down my cheeks. . .

I thought I could be tough. . .or at least appear to be tough. But I am an emotional softy and goodbyes kill me. I put on a tough exterior because that's how I have dealt with so much pain and sorrow in my short lifetime. Today was not a day where I could be tough. I rode Pixydust and she was a dream. I unsaddled her and brushed her. . . as I brushed her I had my sister take some pics of me with her since I was leaving today (Wednesday the 14th). I really do think horses and other animals can feel love and affection. When Nikkii started taking pics of us, Pixy layed her head against me as if she was hugging me. I put both my arms around her head and hugged her back. She didn't pull away.
I walked her to her pasture and released her. . .she lingered and gave me a few more snuggles. As I watched her turn and walk away from me, tears began to build up in my eyes. She stopped and glanced back at me. I couldn't bring myself to leave the gate and walk back to my mother's. It was the hardest good bye to say. . .and we used no words. I know I have a special bond with my miracle horse. We are meant to be in each others lives. She brings more happiness into my world than just about anything else. It's hard to have to say good bye to her. . .not knowing when I'll make it home again to ride her.

Being alive and healthy enough to ride my horse is truly a gift from my Donor and her family. Every time I ride Pixy. . .I think about how if I hadn't had a Donor when I needed one, I would have never been able to do this. I actually would have never lived to see Pixy again. What an incredible person my donor must have been. Her lungs have given me so many wonderful gifts and treasured memories  for almost 4 years.

Pixy was born in the spring of 2007. . .I was in Pittsburgh fighting for a second chance at life Dec 2007. What an incredible journey!

Photobucket  Save a Life...Be Someone's Hero...    
    Be An Organ Donor!

1 comment:

Jess said...

Awww I'm sorry you miss your horse. She looks lovely.

Where to start to learn about my transplant!

Thank You for taking the time to read my blog. I am hoping that through this blog and my experiences that I can bring hope, faith and strength to all that may be living with Cystic Fibrosis, CF with Cepacia and Lung Transplant recipients. Information and blog entrees start Nov. 07. My Double Lung Transplant was on Dec. 10th 2007. Please feel free to read about my experience and ask me any questions! My email address is jamiebug77@gmail.com

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My Testimony

It's hard to put into words how I feel toward my Heavenly Father and the Savior. I have so many reasons to be thankful for what I have gone through & endured. Because of my trials in life I have gained a strong testimony of Faith. I have always had Faith in the Lord and in Prayer. As I faced the decision to get a double lung transplant I had to rely on faith to make the choice.....By listening to the spirit, I was guided to Pittsburgh where my life was saved. I believe prayers are answered. I have always tried to follow the philosophy of this: If I do what the Lord expects of me, he will give me what I want & need. That has always worked for me. I Believe in MIRACLES..........My life on this earth is a miracle- I prayed on my knees for years to be healed from my lung disease. I knew that through a priesthood blessing (if it was God's will) I could be healed. So many times I thought he would heal me instantly...my faith was tested as I continued to get sick and no cure was in my future. I turned to prayer....I talked to my Heavenly Father, I cried to him and he heard me and he healed me by guiding me to Pittsburgh and guiding the surgeons hands. I learned humility, and thankfulness. I realized that we need others to lean on and we are supposed to strengthen each others testimonies. I learned that the hardest things we'll do are usually the greatest blessings in our life. I was able to experience a lot of things during surgery and I know I had comforting angels in my ICU room. THe Lord knows each of us by name and he will never leave our side. We need to remember to stay close to him and have Faith that he is watching over us. I know this for a fact! I know that following the gospel will bring us true happiness- the world will tell us otherwise, but I know I am truely happy & living the gospel has brought me that. Amen