I can't put my finger on it, but one thing I know is I am irritable. I am down on myself a lot more lately which is kinda uncharacteristic for me. I am easily discouraged and I cry for reasons that I have no idea. I don't feel beautiful even though I know I am pretty. All of these feelings are not like me. I feel like someone or something has taken over my mind and is planting these dark, pessimistic thoughts. It's effecting my personal life along with my intimate life. These stages in my life post transplant come and go. This is not a cry for help because I understand why I feel this way. . .it will pass, it has before. Sometimes just admitting that I am not happy right this second in life and it's going to be okay, seems to help me. Stuffing these Post Transplant roller coaster of emotions deep inside just makes them fester even worse. Between anxiety, stress, winter weather and flat out loneliness along with a big dose of being home sick I feel like life right now is hard and It will probably get harder before it gets easier.
Bryan is going to 50-60 hour work weeks. . which will mean more $$$ hence reducing some of my stresses, but having him gone all the time and being alone a lot increases my depression so it's kinda a win/lose. I just thought I would be honest about how I feel this very second and that is what you're getting. . .sorry.
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2 comments:
Oh Jamie, I'm sorry you're feeling this way. I think that everyone has times when they feel like this....I know I do! And it helps to get it off your chest. Just keep your head up and remember that Heavenly Father loves you, and so do about a million other people! Things will get better :)
Hello sweetheart! I love the honesty as always. Wish you could come here. Maybe I will get to come see you soon! miss you always....Mwah!
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