I have heard thy prayer, I have seen thy tears, behold I will heal thee.
2Kings 20:5

Wednesday, November 18, 2009

I am not Barbie. . .

We all have weaknesses right? I know I do. But how often are we too tough on ourselves? I know I am. I read a post from a friends blog, and it made me stop and think of the things I am too critical about myself. . . .I loved playing with my Barbie when I was a young girl. I actually got it in my head that when I would turn 16 I was going to look like Barbie. . . . as you can imagine, I was sorely disappointed. I was anything BUT. I looked more like Skipper if even that good. Why do we put expectations upon ourselves that are out of our control? I STILL don't look like Barbie and I don't have the money to ever look like her :) But I am not Barbie, I am Jamie, and when they make a "Jamie doll" It will be well. . . . a lot smaller. It will have more scars than Barbie (unless it's Barbie post dog chewing) It will have an imperfect smile, and lots of freckles. It will have A LOT more realistic bust size and waist size and it's hair will come in a variety of colors. What I am saying is I had to accept that I don't have to look like anyone but me. I still haven't mastered it by any means. I get caught up in NEEDING to feel pretty, beautiful, desirable . . . what woman ever stops wanting to feel that way?

I try hard to change/improve on the things that I have control over. I work out to firm my muscle tone, and stay healthy. I can't change where I carry my extra weight, I can however do the work to improve what I can. Some things I can't change without a surgery of some type and frankly I have had enough surgeries for ten lifetimes. Does that mean I just don't care about the things I can't change? No. I still have my "UGLY" days and my "I'm not good enough" days. But I have more "I am amazing" days. Someday hopefully everyday will be an "I am amazing" day, however I am human and we may never feel perfect, because we are not.
Would a flower garden be nearly as beautiful if all the flowers were exactly the same size, kind, color, shape? It would be boring after just a few seconds. Our individuality is what makes us create a beautiful flower garden. So I tell my evil conscience to SHUT UP and enjoy the view.

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5 comments:

Somer Love said...

Think of all the wigs the Jamie doll would come with ;)

Groomer Angie said...

All I can say is *Amen sister*

Amy said...

the flower garden analogy is so true!!!!!

Amen cysta!!!!!!!!!! <3

Nancy said...

Jamie, thanks for letting me know I'm not the only one. It seems crazy to be obsessing about such physical things after all we have been through, but we are human. We are both beautiful flowers, thanks for the reminder!

Love you! Nancy

P.S. Would you please, please vote for me on Wellsphere, I would love you forever (not that I wouldn't anyway, but you know what I mean.)

Judy Stohl said...

Jamie - thanks for this beautiful reminder. Even when we get older, we still have these same feelings of wishing we could change certain things about ourselves. I have a list way longer than yours. I look at you, Nancy and Cammi and think that you are all so beautiful - inside and out - a rare quality in this world today!

Where to start to learn about my transplant!

Thank You for taking the time to read my blog. I am hoping that through this blog and my experiences that I can bring hope, faith and strength to all that may be living with Cystic Fibrosis, CF with Cepacia and Lung Transplant recipients. Information and blog entrees start Nov. 07. My Double Lung Transplant was on Dec. 10th 2007. Please feel free to read about my experience and ask me any questions! My email address is jamiebug77@gmail.com

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It's hard to put into words how I feel toward my Heavenly Father and the Savior. I have so many reasons to be thankful for what I have gone through & endured. Because of my trials in life I have gained a strong testimony of Faith. I have always had Faith in the Lord and in Prayer. As I faced the decision to get a double lung transplant I had to rely on faith to make the choice.....By listening to the spirit, I was guided to Pittsburgh where my life was saved. I believe prayers are answered. I have always tried to follow the philosophy of this: If I do what the Lord expects of me, he will give me what I want & need. That has always worked for me. I Believe in MIRACLES..........My life on this earth is a miracle- I prayed on my knees for years to be healed from my lung disease. I knew that through a priesthood blessing (if it was God's will) I could be healed. So many times I thought he would heal me instantly...my faith was tested as I continued to get sick and no cure was in my future. I turned to prayer....I talked to my Heavenly Father, I cried to him and he heard me and he healed me by guiding me to Pittsburgh and guiding the surgeons hands. I learned humility, and thankfulness. I realized that we need others to lean on and we are supposed to strengthen each others testimonies. I learned that the hardest things we'll do are usually the greatest blessings in our life. I was able to experience a lot of things during surgery and I know I had comforting angels in my ICU room. THe Lord knows each of us by name and he will never leave our side. We need to remember to stay close to him and have Faith that he is watching over us. I know this for a fact! I know that following the gospel will bring us true happiness- the world will tell us otherwise, but I know I am truely happy & living the gospel has brought me that. Amen